Carabao Cup final could be a glimpse into the bleak future of football
FINE MARGINS: Manchester United players celebrate victory following the Carabao Cup Final match at Wembley Stadium, London. Picture date: Sunday February 26, 2023. PA Photo. See PA story SOCCER Final. Photo credit should read: David Davies/PA Wire.
And this just in from Wembley stadium: It's the plaything of a mind-numbingly-rich, morally bankrupt state nil: the soon-to-be plaything of a mind-numbingly-rich, morally-bankrupt state two.
More from the sports-washing cup final as soon as we get it.
'Tell me ma, me ma, I won't be home for tea, we're going to Wembley, tell me ma, me ma.'
Official figures provided by the Metropolitan Police should always be treated with a large pinch of salt, but nevertheless the force estimated there were up to 100,000 Newcastle supporters in London this weekend, roughly one in three with tickets for the Carabao Cup final, the remainder there for the party.
At some point or another as they reacquaint themselves with all the trappings of the big time, most of Geordie hordes will have rolled out that rather gender stereo-typical unofficial anthem for fans celebrating the long-awaited rebirth of their club.
In pure football terms, it's a welcome resurrection. That's as long as a) you don't support Sunderland or b) you conveniently ignore it's a resurgence funded by the Saudi Arabian state and all the ills that entails.
With a quasi-Qatari takeover bid launched to wrestle control at Old Trafford, the same criticisms being aimed at Newcastle will soon be just as pertinent to Manchester United, with bells on.
Welcome to the 2028 Champions League final, where reigning Premier League Champions Newcastle United face their closest rivals Manchester United, both clubs proudly waving the flag for their adopted nations.
This Arabian night will see the Magpies wear their recently confirmed new home kit of Saudi green and white stripes, their opponents clad resplendently in Qatari maroon with white trim. What's the colour of your money?
Tell me ma, me ma, I won't be home for tea, we're erasing history, tell me ma, me ma.
It's all part of the inexorable march of history when it comes to the ownership of football clubs. First it was a local businessman, and back then it would have been a man, on to multinational conglomerates, then super-rich billionaires and now defacto by entire cash-rich states.
In a joint letter from three human rights groups this week, Eddie Howe was urged to use the platform given him by the Carabao Cup final to speak out about abuses and executions in Saudi. Unsurprisingly, the Newcastle manager is yet to respond, insisting it is not his job to get involved in geopolitics. Fair enough, but it's more a case of turkeys, Christmas, and all that.
The human rights groups who've contracted Howe claim there have been 157 executions since the kingdom's Public Investment Fund bought Newcastle in October 2021. But hey, if they've provided the thick end of half a billion quid so far to put you in a place to end more than half a century without a significant trophy, you can let that slide, can't you, Eddie?
Tell me ma, me ma, I won't be home for tea, there's a beheading at half past three, tell me ma, me ma.
In more innocent times, when they talked about capital punishment, it was usually in relation to Newcastle's woeful record at Stamford Bridge, White Hart Lane and Highbury. Now it carries rather more sinister connotations in wider-ranging conversations regarding the moral maze the club must negotiate given the identity of its power-brokers.
Ultimately, as it often has with Newcastle's Wembley appearances, the build-up proved infinitely more enjoyable than the football itself as the TV cameras were left to linger at the despair on the faces of those who'd travelled from the North-East with such hope.
We were treated to Alan Shearer auditioning for a part as a morose Peaky Blinder and a topless be-mulleted bloke of ample proportions, who after trending on Twitter can at least console himself with offers of work which will inevitably ensue as a James Corden body double. It was that bad, even Ant and Dec were sitting apart by the end.
Tell me ma, me ma, I won't be home tonight, there's an issue with human rights, tell me ma, me ma.
Just as their previous trip to Wembley had done 24 years ago, this one saw them beaten by Manchester United. Not for the first time at this famous venue, Newcastle's fans turned up when the team didn't.
In many ways, the outcome didn't really matter. Given their resources, there will be plenty of opportunities to right the wrongs of this setback where the offensive inadequacies of Howe's side so often masked by their defensive solidity were clear to see.
As one fan put it succinctly when having a microphone stuck under his nose before the game, if you're looking at the bigger picture 'this is just the start.'
After this weekend's black and white invasion that turned Nelson's Column into Grey's Monument, Trafalgar Square should brace itself for regular Tyneside takeovers in the coming years. Just don't mention who writes the cheques to make it all happen.
Tell me ma, me ma, I won't be home for tea, we've sold our soul with glee, tell me ma, me ma.
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