What do United think they’re doing?
Manchester United have conceded in their last 13 home games. No clean sheets at home since April. It is a terrible record and it is easy to see why it is so terrible. They were sloppy, disorganised and a total mess against Liverpool. Some tried to press but not hard enough. Others didn’t bother. The second goal was especially illustrative; a disaster of United’s own making. The indecision between Harry Maguire and Luke Shaw was pathetic, their lack of cohesion down to their lack of structure. Put simply, they don’t know what they’re supposed to do in relation to what anyone else is doing, so everyone plays as an individual. Previously, I’ve called this their ‘just do something’ policy to express that they play in hope of a moment of brilliance from one of their players. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Hence the ups and down. Hence Sunday’s result. It is no way to run a football team. If United won’t sack Ole, he should resign for the good of the club.
The Emirates enjoys the exciting Emile
In Emile Smith Rowe Arsenal have one of the most exciting young players in English football. The 21-year-old actually made his debut in 2018, playing six games and scoring three times before being sent out to RB Leipzig on loan. In 2019-20 he found himself in West Yorkshire at Huddersfield Town for 19 games before returning to play most of last season at the Emirates. Even in the games that Arsenal have been poor this season, Smith Rowe has been the one shining light. He has the socks-down dynamism of youth, lacks cynicism and fear, and has a hustle and bustle style that gives fans hope that something exciting is about to happen every time he gets the ball. In this, he has set an example that his teammates have sometimes failed to match, but when they have matched it, they look like a useful side. But Emile is young, he’s going to be inconsistent, Arsenal’s challenge is not to rise and fall with their star youngster’s form.
Norwich can’t and shouldn’t even try to compete
Norwich’s thrashing was the weekend’s most predictable result. Should they throw more money at trying to stay up, as some say? No. The financial disparity in the top flight means they have no chance. They can’t afford to compete. Their inability to win a game is symbolic of the competitive dysfunction at the heart of the Premier League. Even if they got to 17th for a season, they’d go down the next anyway. It is a joyless existence, but when your owner is worth £20 million and you’re playing a team funded by a multi-billionaire, it isn’t just unfair, it’s ridiculous and actually pathetic. In any league worth its salt, all teams at the start should be able to imagine they could do well. Not win it, necessarily, but do well. Norwich City and many others can’t do that. So what’s the point? There is no point. The only sensible thing to do is bin off the season and look forward to being back in the real world next year.
Meet the new Newcastle, same as the old Newcastle
With just 27% possession, one shot on target, this was a Newcastle performance entirely typical of those over the last two years under the disparaged Steve Bruce. A one-all draw at Selhurst Park was exactly the sort of result he may well have got now that Callum Wilson is back in the side, giving them some cutting edge scoring with a splendid overhead kick. VAR rescued them a point after Christian Benteke’s towering header was ruled out, though he could’ve scored a hat-trick. The side were never under-performing under Bruce, they were playing to a mediocre par. A lot has been unfairly and unreasonably invested in Bruce being absolute rubbish, which isn’t to say he was especially great. Expect plenty of defending the indefensible, paranoia and whataboutery from their fans all season long. Many neutrals will happily see them relegated, if only to see the look on their new owners’ faces, who currently resemble aliens newly landed on a foreign planet.
Watford whacked last week, whack Everton this week
There can’t be many sides that lose 5-0 at home one week and win 5-2 away the next. This was a game that looked lost for the visitors until the 78th minute which began a remarkable turnaround with four goals for the Hornets in the last 12 minutes and especially for hat-trick hero Josh King who avenged an unsatisfactory season in the last campaign at Goodison Park. His 11 substitute appearances and zero goals under Carlo Ancellotti was a waste of his time and Everton’s money. However, the Norwegian has proven himself in the Premier League with Bournemouth, netting 16 in the 2016-17 season and Watford will need all his firepower if they are to keep out of the relegation places this time around. They are unlikely to meet an opponent that collapses as readily and quickly as the Toffees every week — they looked totally shell-shocked at the end — but this was a result that made lovely Claudio Ranieri smile and when Claudio is smiling, the world is a little bit better place.
Southampton and Burnley share the points
A game between the 16th and 18th teams in the league unsurprisingly ended in a draw but Southampton will wonder how they did not win this. Their inability to take good chances has led to them lingering around the league’s nether regions. Nathan Redmond contrived to miss an open goal from two yards. Theo Walcott continued his rather profligate career, missing good chances. They should’ve been out of reach before Burnley scored their equaliser. It’s easy to see the Saints getting out of this with a little more application, Burnley on the other hand look in significantly more trouble. They’ve dropped 12 points from leading positions already and their defence just isn’t cohesive. Rumours of James Tarkowski being transferred to Newcastle United in January is a bit of a two-edged sword. He has been a great asset in previous seasons but it was his errant pass which gifted the Saint’s a goal here and the money his sale would generate could be invested in a much-needed rejuvenating of the defence.
Brighton were beaten within 45 minutes
It was hard to believe this was fourth against third in the Premier League, the gulf in class in the first half was of Grand Canyon proportions and made a mockery of any pretensions Brighton may have had to be a top-six side. They made a better fist of it in the second half, but by then it was all over, especially given Brighton’s paucity of goalscorers.
They were never going to get back into this, no matter how much Manchester City let them. It was an odd second period with the away team just trying to pass the time away and go home with the three points and the home team thrashing away at them. It felt a bit like a big older brother holding off their younger sibling with an extended hand to the forehead. It’s to their credit that Brighton have made an early surge up the league, but it will only be a matter of time before injuries and lack of depth see them sink to a still creditable mid-table position.
Manchester United looking this bad is bad for business
United is an entertainment brand. They’re still monetising the 1999 European Cup final win in its Beijing, ‘Theatre of Dreams’ ‘entertainment centre’, 22 years on. The legend of United is a big money spinner and while the hardcore fanbase must want them to win the league or the Champions League, I’m not sure anyone else in the organisation cares anywhere near as much.
But losing to Liverpool 5-0 at home looks bad and is bad for business. The manager might not have ever been good enough but being an ex-United star, was all part of the brand’s entertainment value and that was good for trade. All compulsive stories have jeopardy and the protagonist is flawed, so they tolerated him in the knowledge easy wins do not generate the excitement or tradeable iconography the way a last-minute CR7 comeback goal does. But this was utter humiliation and utter humiliation is hard to monetise and that might be the only reason Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is sacked, which in itself is another sort of humiliation for the fans.
Liverpool are a goal machine
Their numbers are simply phenomenal. Liverpool have scored at least three times in every away game this season. To do it at the Wanda Metropolitano and net five at Old Trafford in the same week is jaw-dropping. This is some side and that record is little short of astonishing. It isn’t just that they create so many chances, it is that they take so many of them. Even though Manchester United played like a fourth-tier side and were some special shade of awful, Liverpool took full advantage and absolutely monstered them with the merciless style that all great sides have. It was only the second time in history Liverpool have scored five at Old Trafford, 1936 being the last. There are no superlatives left to discuss Mo Salah as he scored a hat-trick. He’s on 15 goals for the season already and has scored in 10 consecutive games. If that does not convince Liverpool to offer him a huge contract then absolutely nothing will.
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