The Ronaldo show
Pre-game, the Cristiano Ronaldo worship was as though he was Jesus, Buddha, and Krishna all rolled into one, sent to earth to save us all from our mediocre, tedious lives.Â
Those who do not easily embrace such idolatry were less caught up in the hype and once the hero-worship subsides, the question that will need asking is does Ronaldo’s presence make Manchester United a better team? That he will score a lot isn’t in doubt, but will he deliver something that no other players could and in doing that, turn draws or losses into wins?
Overall, United did not look a better side here. They would almost certainly have won this game without their new man and if United would’ve won anyway, what did CR7 really do for the club other than shift merchandise? Ok, thousands of people loved seeing him there. Maybe that’s enough.
Bigger tests await than Newcastle. He may be transformative, he may be a meaningless and expensive indulgence, receiving more each week than the typical person earns in 20 years, but there’s no doubt he is proper box office material, no doubt that he’s special. Even so, the intensity of the fawning seemed absolutely unhinged.
Chelsea’s goal machine the difference
The old cliche about title-winning sides being victorious when not playing well could be dragged out and applied to Chelsea for this game, but when you have a goalscorer like Romelu Lukaku who, to be fair, did little all game except score two fantastically taken goals, you don’t have to play that well. Chelsea are not a side that look like they will lose many games.
The reassurance of having a striker who is as near to a guarantee of goals as is possible in a game of variables, gives the Blues an ease and relaxation to their play, even when not on the best of form. He makes such a huge difference. This was a game in which Aston Villa could easily have scored at least three goals but for Chelsea’s keeper Édouard Mendy making some excellent saves.
John McGinn can claim to have bossed the midfield in the first half and Ollie Watkins will feel he could’ve scored at least once. Villa look a decent side, but Chelsea are title favourites. Even when not playing fluently or especially creatively, there is a sleek, modern, efficient element to them and in Thomas Tuchel a man who looks like he has both the knowledge and resources to win.
Shop in Scotland for cheap quality players
Odsonne Edouard is the latest excellent footballer to be bought for too little money simply because he was playing in Scotland. £14m (€16.3m) is a steal, not quite the steal that £2.7m (€3.1m) Aston Villa paid for John McGinn, but in that tradition.
His two late goals showed what he is all about. That money has bought a quick instinctive goalscorer’s touch. That he had ‘only’ done it in Scotland is the sort of patronising attitude too many in England have, especially those who simply do not watch any Scottish football and make their judgments based wholly on ignorance.
However, even before his introduction, Palace looked progressive and exciting, Conor Gallagher especially impressive and on this showing maybe, just maybe, the youthful revolution that Patrick Vieria is introducing could be paying off. That it took them until the 76th minute to score was more surprising than the fact they added two more.Â
There’s no doubt this iteration of Palace has the capacity to entertain and when they do so there’s no better place for atmosphere than Selhurst Park, which is a throwback to the noisy working class roots of a game too often transformed into quiet corporate respectability.
Sluggish sorry Spurs
By contrast, Spurs were a worryingly poor side in the three-goal loss to Palace. After a strong start to the season that saw them top, that they could throw in such a half-hearted performance rings alarm bells. There was something badly amiss here.
You wouldn’t have known Harry Kane or Dele Alli were even playing. A special mention for Japhet Tanganga’s hilarious yellow-carded foul on Wilf Zaha. In a move reminiscent of the 1980s Vinny Jones-led Wimbledon team, he simply threw the Palace striker to the ground, without even pretending to tackle him. This was more Sunday League than Spurs. In the following contretemps, weirdly, he held the raging Zaha close, like a ballroom dance partner.
A dismissal was waiting to happen and, of course, he duly and idiotically obliged. Two shots in the whole game, one on target and 37% possession is indicative of a team who just didn’t turn up and didn’t care much either. That they could perform like this was very undermining. Palace absolutely thrashed them and for the first time this season, fans were looking at their manager Nuno Espirito Santo with a cynical raised eyebrow.
Arsenal ascend the table
Arsenal are not a bottom of the table side, they’re a mid-table side, so, as befits a club of that quality they eased past Norwich City who are surely relegated already. It was a better performance than previously but then it should have been against such limited opponents. It should not be mistaken for more than what it is. The players, the manager and the club were all more relieved than any Arsenal team should be after beating Norwich City. That such a result keeps Mikel Arteta in a job only shows how little his employers now expect. This wasn’t ‘the project’ nor ‘the process’ working, it was just one of the richest clubs in the league who spent more this summer than anyone else, beating one of the poorest. Simple as. This is nothing to be proud of, rather, that it was ever in doubt, pours further scorn on the club and the manager. It will take much more to convince sceptics that Arteta is the man for this job, but far less to convince his employers.
Fanboy Ole
It was an extraordinary day at Old Trafford, extraordinary shirt sales, extraordinary belief in one man. It was all very 2021 in its intense, blinkered hero worship that looked like Twitter brought to life.
But the manager of Manchester United needs to be above such mundanities, be more clear-eyed and certainly not craven to superstardom or celebrity. And yet Ole Gunnar Solskajer looked like he was just another CR7 fan. In his post-match interviews he looked like a lucky local radio competition winner who was just glad to be there in the theatre of dreams; an observer, not a manager.
It is these moments that make some believe he just doesn’t have the gravitas for the job. Grinning in that wide-eyed boyish way is endearing and being a nice person does not exclude you from being successful, but it was hard, nay impossible, to see him as the boss of Ronaldo and all too easy to see Ronaldo as the boss of him. Ironically, if this signing does not produce a title or Champions League win, it may bring about the end of Ole, indeed, it probably should, but then with revenue pouring in, how much do the hierarchy really care about what happens on the pitch?
Soporific Saints and West Ham
Some games are last on Match Of The Day for a reason and this one was always destined to bring up the rear. This was bad to the bone, but not in a good way. West Ham had the chance to go top if they’d won but that didn’t look likely. Indeed, such a game showed why the Hammers will struggle to match last season’s sixth position.Â
They looked toothless and out of ideas. 19 shots but only five on target in the whole game shows how wayward both sides were. Southampton nearly won it at the end but the most interesting thing to happen was Michail Antonio’s sending off. This was the sort of game that when pundits tell us confidently that the Premier League is ‘the best league in the world’ they conveniently forget about, but which is actually more typical of many games.
A match that could easily have been played in the Championship or at the top of the third tier, this is why so few people will pay a subscription to watch the Premier League on television.
Weak Watford whacked by Wolves
It was a relatively easy win for Brune Lage’s charges who eventually dominated the game and scored their first two Premier League goals of the season, albeit one an own goal and the second a scruffy affair.
Their dominance wasn’t reflected in the scoreline and Watford look to have flattered to deceive in their opening day win over Aston Villa. The game did much to justify the view that there isn’t much difference between the bottom third of the top flight and top third of the Championship. On this form relegation looks inevitable for the Hornets, even this early in the season, just as it does for Norwich. It is at this point that you have to wonder what it must be like to be a fan of either side.
Surely it was better entertainment in the Championship. A year of getting beaten most weeks stretches out in front of them before they can be released from the punishment of the Premier League back to reality. There is no shame in being relegated from such a financially dysfunctional league, even less in not wasting your money in doing so. There is an argument for a ‘take the money not the promotion’ option to exist.
Leaky Leeds
We need to talk about Marcelo Bielsa’s entertaining side. It’s not that they played poorly against Liverpool in the 3- 0 loss, but two things are working badly against them.Â
Firstly, their inability to convert the chances they create is costing them dearly. On Sunday they had several excellent opportunities to score and even take the lead, but failed.
Secondly, because they push on to create chances, they do leave themselves open to a rapid counterattack and Liverpool are the best in the business at exploiting that weakness. Even when down to 10 men on Sunday, Leeds didn’t markedly change their ambition and still really had a go at the Reds. You can’t doubt their guts or belief.Â
Leeds are not Arsenal in that regard. So much about the club is admirable and it is too early to accuse Leeds of suffering from second season syndrome. It is also characteristic of the high pressing, open football Bielsa encourages that they might take a few heavy losses.
They gamble that their style will win them more games than they lose, but what if that stops being the case? If their survival in the league looks in any doubt, there will have to be a rethink.
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