Terrace Talk: Manchester United - Swede dreams are made of this trip to Stockholm

Forgive me for gushing but, for once, I’m actually genuinely excited by something with the word ‘Europa’ in the title. From the ridiculous to the sublime in just three days flat; few journeys transport one as far as that which we’re about to take.

From a pointless humdrum final league match against a pointless humdrum club, to a glittering and vital final against one of THE glamour names in world football; we’re cleaning the dirty windows of the old Crystal Palace with the coruscating power of Ajax. (One for the oldsters, there; I’ll have some brillo Vim gags next time. “O, mo!” do I hear you wail?)

When Manchester United first played Ajax in September 1976, I really was literally still in short trousers. United were in the midst of nine games in 25 days, yet no-one whinged about it. It was our first European tie in over seven years — how unimaginable a hiatus must that seem to today’s spoiled yoof!

Ajax were as other-worldly as aliens to us youngsters; the legendary Rudi Krol scarcely believable in the flesh, a prized Panini World Cup 74 sticker come to life.

And what a different world that was for our club: United finished the league season in lowly sixth, had to settle for a Wembley trophy, were still recovering from two successive disastrous managers and... ah.

Today’s Tommy Doc, José Mourinho, waffled a bit when asked the other day about this season being “defined” by Wednesday but, how could it not be? Moreover, failure would mean technically doing worse than Louis Van Gaal in the key respects — namely, a lower league position, and an inferior consolation trophy. Not quite what we had in mind last August.

One hastens to add that only the most sickening perverts would use that as a basis for suggesting we were somehow better off under the flailing Dutchman. Rest assured, Louis’ status as a bogyeman to frighten Salford kids to bed with is secure. But one has to admit José has disappointed a tad.

Conventional wisdom seems to be suggesting that our squad’s experience ought to be the telling advantage on Wednesday against Ajax’s youth, although plenty of Reds might question that. As one colleague put it: “We’re certainly experienced at failing to finish off chances and matches, anyway.”

Nevertheless, it’s true this outfit has had the experience of winning two tricky finals in the past 12 months and, to be fair, has at least survived most of its other ‘make or break’ crunch clashes. That is not perhaps the most inspiring battle maxim — ‘We’re United! And we usually just about scrape by!’ — but we will take any kind of win in Stockholm.

This is not one of those occasions where we’re all hoping to “put on a show” by displaying our cocksure finery, because we haven’t got any. We just want the pot, and all that goes with it, by whatever means necessary.

For, as any nervous United suit will remind you, this final doesn’t just come with a trophy attached; that cup contains an entry ticket to the big boys’ playground. In that respect, it’s arguably the biggest non-Champions League Final in memory, and certainly so in financial terms.

Furthermore, all across Europe, United’s targets will be closely watching to see whether we make it — because failure means José will have to dump Shopping List A for List B.

He’ll then be shopping in Lidl, not Marks’n’Sparks. Sure, you can still buy kosher European products in Lidl, but you don’t recognise the brands. That lovely AOP Iberian midfielder you were after now becomes something with lots of Zs in the name from occupied east Ukraine.

Of course, it may seem rather unromantic to be framing a European final with questions about the transfer silly season but the fact is this window will be critical.

The season has taught us many things but diminishing space leaves room here for just the conclusion: Dump several players and buy a load of better ones. A task that’ll be much easier if José can once again prove that his one-off final skills remain undimmed.