Carlisle has been trying to get in touch with the driver to apologise for jumping in front of his vehicle on the A64 near York on December 22.
But the former England Under-21 international reveals in an interview in the June edition of GQ Magazine that the driver has rejected the opportunity to talk to him.
“I feel deeply ashamed and incredibly guilty: that I may have caused lasting trauma to my family but also, what about the driver? I have tried to make contact and he has point-blank refused and I understand that – he has to deal with it as he sees fit – but I wish I could see him and apologise,” Carlisle said in a frank interview with former Labour spin doctor Alastair Campbell.
The former Professional Footballers’ Association chairman attempted to take his own life following a battle with depression, alcoholism and gambling. He stepped off a bridge into the path of the oncoming lorry just before Christmas but survived and was left with scars and some internal organ damage.
The 35-year-old father of three said he is now happy he survived. “I was totally devastated... I wanted to go,” Carlisle said, reflecting on the suicide attempt.
“I cannot tell you how delighted I am to be alive (now),” he added. “Life is full of possibilities. I was totally shaken and stirred as a human being.”
Carlisle, who has separated from his wife Gemma since the suicide attempt, has spent a large part of the last five months trying to raise awareness of mental health issues.