Cannavaro struggles in the free role with ITV

Bits and pieces from the sidelines in Brazil

Early strugglers: ITV

Unusually, they haven’t missed a goal yet, on TV anyway, but online viewers of the ITV Player missed much of the opening match, instead being shown a ‘maintenance in progress’ message.

Maintenance may be required on ITV’s panel too, with Fabio Cannavaro struggling to fill Roy Keane’s shoes and not the first to barely understand Adrian Chiles’ questions. He might, though, be set for his own feud with Patrick Vieira, sitting beside him when Cannavaro put Cameroon defending down to “an African mentality”. You wonder, too, if protestors would be so quick to stone the glass walls of Chiles’ studio if Roy had been in there.

Topping their group: Nicky Blair

It’s been a bright start to the tournament for the son of Tony and agent of Mexican midfielder Hector Herrera. Blair kickstarted his sports agency business last summer when he negotiated a record €8.4m move for Herrera from Mexican club Pachuca to Porto. So impressive was his man against Cameroon, Liam Brady felt his value has at least tripled, and he has been linked with a move to England. No doubt a sexed-up dossier has been circulated.

When doves lie

The opening ceremony “symbolises the opening of the World Cup”, Ray Houghton told us on Thursday night. But maybe there was subtler symbolism on offer too. George Hamilton complained that the running order didn’t arrive until 10 minutes in, perhaps a reflection on the hosts’ preparations.

Eventually the three doves of peace appeared — definitely doves, as George confirmed, not pigeons, as Jimmy Magee famously called them once. And off they flew. Sure enough, they were soon at peace alright, perhaps in a way most appropriate for a tournament overshadowed by unrest. At least two of the birds flew into the stadium structure and died.

Guff merchants: Eamo leads way

“If England get to the quarter-finals I’ll show up with a dress on.”

Eamon Dunphy has galvanised a nation behind Roy’s boys this evening.

“David Luiz would be a liability in the League of Ireland.”

The most expensive defender in the world also got the Dunphy treatment.

Fabio Cannavaro: “They missed the mentality of African players, to be free.”

Glenn Hoddle: “They seemed to have shackles on them.”

ITV overdo the slavery allegory after Cameroon woes.

“Mexico Gets The Goal They Deserved Courtesy Of Oribe Peralta’s Rebound Putback”

American site Sportsgrid.com keep us in tune with the latest Sawker lingo.

“Dos Santos must have done something very bad this morning — nothing is going his way.”

Two days in, Glenn Hoddle is already talking karma. Danger here...

Tweet relief

As the action started, even glass eyes shed a tear for one missing underpants model:

@bendtnerb52: Here we go. What a scene! And wtf am I doing on Holiday! would of given anything to be there. ANYTHING!

An Italian model also had a trying opening night:

@Marcello: To all those hurling abuse at me for scoring an own goal, please re-direct your anger to @12MarceloV. Thank you.

Ref justice

Shambles, is the early verdict, after the Fred penalty and the glut of dodgy Mexico offsides.

But at least the vanishing spray has causing amusement. “We don’t have a picture of the invisible line but what do we think of it?” marvelled Billo. Everyone seems pleased, most of all, you imagine, the boot companies. Have they enjoyed better close-ups since Pele tied his laces in 1970?

Unsung hero

The first man to kick a ball in the tournament was 29-year-old paraplegic Juliano Pinto, who was wearing a robotic exoskeleton controlled by his mind. Where there was will, there was a way for Pinto. Alas the successful kick will never become as iconic as that famous Diana Ross miss.

The opening ceremony TV director barely lingered on the moment for a second.