Roy not biting, or dancing

On the radio, David Pleat reminded us why we had waited so long for neighbours to reconnect.

“Bridges take time to heal.”

On ITV, Roy Keane smiled gamely in the face of a blarney banter onslaught from Adrian Chiles and didn’t seem in the humour for picking at any scabs over troubled water.

“No real edge on the game. But it’s important they perform well with the qualifier next week.”

A troupe of Irish dancers on the Wembley turf encouraged Chiles to nibble at his heels again.

“Did you ever do that at school, Roy… his legs are going under the desk.”

No bite. No reducer. Roy didn’t even make the face.

“I never did that type of thing. But look, it’s part of the culture of the country and it’s nice for the kids to get out there.”

There was just a hint of a pop at some old dance partners as Roy welcomed the flush of youthful promise Seamus Coleman, James McCarthy and Shane Long have latterly brought to the Trapattoni regime.

“I felt there were players turning up for Ireland and getting their game no matter how poorly they played.”

But the main song and dance, pre-match, had a familiar tune, with England fretting about their beloved armband.

In truth, Roy didn’t sound terribly interested. “For me, if Ashley Cole doesn’t want to be captain, don’t give him the captaincy.”

To the action and Ireland forged an all-important early breakthrough by securing first use of ‘we’ from Andy Townsend, who trod carefully on the side of his adopted nation.

Two of the trio Roy had pinned his hopes on soon combined for another breakthrough and even Sean St Ledger’s slip for the equaliser couldn’t coax a rant at half time.

“In fairness to him, I don’t think he’s played that much football in the last year.”

The second half of this mini peace process closed over as uneventfully as a clean wound, although a shot of visiting revellers in the stands gave Clive Tyldesley his chance to plug in an old stereotype.

“They’re having a good night — probably every night.”

Roy was still pretty relaxed about the whole thing. “I think they’ll be pleased. The important thing is next week. I don’t think we did enough to win it.”

Chiles attributed Frank Lampard’s equaliser to “Captain Mainwaring defending.” Roy wasn’t about to call anyone a stupid boy, but there was, finally, a hint of patience lost.

“St Ledger; at this level, you’ve really got to clear that ball.”