FA have opened can of worms

SO Bob Geldof has announced another mega-bash to help the impoverished people of Africa; it looks like I picked a bad week to try and organise a whip-around for Ashley Cole.

The beleaguered Chelsea sorry, I mean Arsenal full-back felt the full weight of the Premier League's wrath on Wednesday when they whacked him with a £100,000 fine for his part in the tapping-up scandal which has convulsed English football.

And, indeed, sent many more of us into convulsions too.

Poor Ash The Bashed is down almost a whole month's wages and we can only but applaud the never-say-die spirit of the player who, through his solicitor, declared that he intended to fight what they seem to believe is a grave miscarriage of justice.

Thundered Graham Shear: "We are furious about the decision and what appears to be a slightly disjointed or unrelated penalty that followed."

Part of me wishes that I could be like some of the loftier commentators and get all morally indignant about this. But the larger part of me stop giggling at the back finds it all rather absurd in a Spinal Tapping way, not least because the hysteria around the whole saga could lead the unwary to believe that something exceptionally horrendous had happened.

When all that took place is that the player, his agent, Jose Mourinho and Peter Kenyon were silly enough to be caught by a red-top in a four-in-a-restaurant romp.

Maybe it was just a case of look-at-the-size-of-my-portion exhibitionism but at least all the other members of the tappers and shunters club have the suss to do it behind closed doors. And don't be in any doubt that there are plenty of them.

The fact that it took a newspaper to expose the meeting between a player and a rival club highlights the extent to which the current rules are all but unenforceable. And will remain so, unless of course the football authorities are inclined to fight fire with fire, by tapping the phones of the tappers.

It may even be that the game's fairly limp attempt to display zero tolerance on the issue could backfire in a spectacular way. By threatening a legal battle to overturn the verdict, concern has been expressed that Cole could open the way to what has been called 'Bosman 2' the complete destruction of the current transfer system as we know it. No less.

At issue would be the apparent restraint of trade whereby, unlike any other employees in any other business, footballers in England are forbidden to talk to prospective employers while under contract.

"Other employers are not bound by these rules," Cole's solicitor observed, "and it suggests that the relationship between football clubs and players harks back to the master and servant relationship of 100 years ago."

You can see the common sense in the argument but if Mr Shear is looking for sympathy for his client, he would do well to avoid characterising the modern millionaire footballer as an exploited member of the downstairs staff. Not since the rock imp Prince wrote the word 'Slave' on his face has a wealthy celebrity made a more vulgar bid for martyrdom.

Still, even if the Cole affair does lead to another radical shift in football's employment and transfer markets, I'm sure it would be possible to work out a system which would allow for appropriate compensation for a club which has trained a player from a young age something which, as it relates to the important grooming done by schoolboy clubs in this country, is a subject to which Eoin Hand and the FAI have devoted considerable time and energy.

Before Bosman, there was all sorts of apocalyptic talk about the world of football being changed beyond all recognition, but now it still seems pretty much like business as usual to me. For sure, there are far more noughts on the end of the wage packets, transfer fees and television rights contracts but, even though the gulf between rich and poor has widened, it doesn't mean glory goes exclusively to the biggest spenders or the teams with the biggest names.

In the past year, against all the odds, Liverpool managed to win the Champions League and Greece managed to win the European Championship. And, for that matter, the far from glamorous Israeli team which play Ireland tonight does so as group leaders, side by side with France.

Somehow, football continues to defy all the prophets of doom, maybe because no-one has yet managed to come up with a sure-fire way to screw up the pure, unsullied genius of eleven against eleven and a game of two halves. Mind you, old Sepp Blatter has tried You'd never know, but football might even survive Malcolm Glazer. As the tycoon character in Private Eye's footie comic strip put it recently: "Don't worry everyone. I'm going to continue all the great traditions of the club I'm going to rip the fans off and make lots of money."

Meanwhile, what with Bob The Gob back in action, I'm afraid old Ash The Bashed is going to have to plough ahead without the people's financial backing. Still, there are plenty of other deserving Premiership causes to which we can all lend our support.

Anyone interested in contributing to a Newcastle United fighting fund?