The ABC of football

PITY poor Jose Antonio Reyes - it’s one thing to be caught being “tapped up”, quite another to discover that you’ve really been the victim of a wind-up.

The revelation that the Arsenal player thought he was having a private chat about a move to Real Madrid with the man once known as ‘The Vulture’, former international striker and now club vice-president, Emilio Butragueno - when, in fact, he was really the unwitting victim of a Spanish radio bird of prey - is bound to be a source of acute embarrassment for both Reyes and Arsene Wenger. Especially as it comes hot on the heels of that alleged illegal approach by Chelsea to Ashley Cole.

But if the hoax serves any purpose beyond getting some cheap publicity for the station in question, it’s that it seems to confirm, albeit in entertainingly fictional form, that this type of footballing courtship is altogether par for the course. The only time it becomes an issue is when the suitors are exposed, and then only because they have failed to properly cover their tracks.

And forget about the exotic image of the clandestine meeting in an exclusive hotel, witnessed only by a tabloid photographer hiding behind the floral arrangement - when soundings can simply be taken over the telephone, it’s impossible to see how the authorities are expected to police the rules, short of tapping the tappers.

Anyway, quite apart from being unworkable, the very principle of the thing is dubious and jarringly out of step with normal employment practice.

You won’t be surprised to learn, for example, that although under contract to this paper, your columnist is constantly assailed by newspapers like the New York Times and the Washington Post requesting an exclusive interview with Roddy Collins or the latest on the Club Licensing Scheme. With each new approach I simply notify my Sports Editor who promptly comes around with a wheelbarrow full of cash to keep me on board. If I push the point, he always kindly agrees not to publish that picture of me in a sarong at the Christmas party, and on we go with our fine working relationship.

But football, with its universally acknowledged high moral standards, is different, which is why our old friends hue and cry were much in evidence when it was alleged Peter Kenyon had a not so private word with Ashley Cole.

Recognising that a fine is hardly going to make anyone at Stamford Bridge lose a night’s sleep, the more strident critical voices have called for a 10 point deduction if Chelsea are found guilty of having broken the rules, a demand which seems to have a lot more to do with bitterness and envy than any real sense of natural justice.

And it seems to be part of a growing phenomenon which has already been dubbed ABC - Anyone But Chelsea. Recently, a certain amount of outrage was expressed that the club could post losses of £88 million and scarcely even blink, adding further weight to the perception that ‘Chelski’ are not just simply buying their way to success, but doing so with such reckless abandonment as to threaten the very idea of a competitive Premier League.

To which I say: ah, but first they have to win something. Indeed, for the Roman Empire to really establish some kind of footballing tyranny in England and Europe, Chelsea will have to prove themselves over the course of at least a couple of Premiership and Champions’ League campaigns. And right now, they have a lot to do to secure even one.

It’s old but true: money may buy you the best players but it doesn’t necessarily buy you the best team. What’s admirable about Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea is the hard work they are prepared to put in to turn the ceaseless flow of cash into solid success. Some of their football may be of the fantasy variety, especially when the now crocked Robben or our very own Duffer are on the ball, but there’s nothing cavalier about their team spirit or work ethic, as personified in the determined character of John Terry and Mourinho himself.

For all those reasons, I think the emergence of Chelsea is to be welcomed not vilified. But, at the same time, it would be equally good news if United or even Arsenal could take advantage of any further stutters by Mourinho’s men to push the title race to an exciting climax. To that extent, this weekend’s games between Everton and Chelsea and City and United have the look of a couple of potential six-pointers.

But whoever they might be, and whether rich, richer or richest, be assured the team which ends on top won’t have gotten there without doing a tap.