Does anyone have a sofa to hide behind?

Oh Lordy. Where do we start? Do we actually have to start? Can we somehow sneak out of it?

Seeing as we can't, let’s go to six minutes in. Richie Mo’unga opens the scoring with a penalty, a consequence of what Donal Lenihan, in the commentary box for RTÉ, terms “the pressure New Zealand have put on Ireland straight from the kickoff”. Good for Ronan O’Gara, who was Mo’unga’s kicking coach. Not so good for the men in green. Call it a premonition.