Feeling left out in lift with the big boys

BONJOUR from Paris. This is the first time in days I’ve used that word without being greeted with “Menu in English perhaps, monsieur?”

No real complaints apart from that. And the sense of emasculation suffered every time you get in the hotel lift.

Allow me explain: while the lodgings in Paris are very nice, it’s doing a fine job of undermining the body image of most of its male residents.

As I got into the lift the other evening and closed the doors, it was surprising to see a long arm snake in through the closing doors and reach the open door button, followed by about eight feet of forearm. Its owner eventually entered the lift accompanied by a pal equally tall: in fact, they literally had to bend their necks once they got on, keeping their heads parallel to the floor. One chap’s beard hung vertically down and kept getting in his mouth when he spoke.

The indecipherable lettering across their tracksuits revealed all — they were members of the Greek basketball team, in the hotel while they participate in the European Championships.

Having felt puny in the bicep department when standing next to the Samoans, feeling total inadequacy is guaranteed when telling someone’s navel that you’ve already pressed the button for the sixth floor, thanks.

Funny how terms like six feet ten or seven feet are just numbers until you see someone conceal a bottle of Coke in the palm of their hand...

Talking about hands, I commiserated with a couple of the Samoans after their defeat to South Africa, and a couple of things struck me simultaneously: a) I wasn’t aware your knuckles could be concertina-ed like that after a handshake, though I’m sure the feeling will return to them;

And b) how bloody hard are the Boks if they were able to score 59 points against these lads? Elsewhere, readers in Limerick grieving after the All-Ireland hurling final loss have some small consolation in this week’s L’Equipe magazine. The first Irishman mentioned in the glossy supplement is Seamus Hickey pictured diving after Kilkenny’s Eddie Brennan, the photograph accompanying a brief account of the All-Ireland final (the photo shows Brennan’s hurley in Hickey’s face, by the way; calls to the magazine to confirm the CCC had travelled to Paris to investigate the shot went unanswered last night).

Here in Paris the sporting focus hasn’t been on the rugby for the last day or so as the basketballer Tony Parker, who shone the other night for France against Germany with 23 points. For those interested, Parker, whose day job is playing for the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA, is married to Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives, which increases his celebrity standing. No sign of Ms Longoria anywhere in Paris, though. I looked.

A famous wife who is in Paris is Cecilia Sarkozy, whose relationship (“stormy” is the tabloid definition) with husband Nicolas, French President, is the subject of much French media analysis. She appears on the sports pages as a result of her studied indifference to the opening game of the Rugby World Cup last Friday.

French newspapers are reporting that Ms Sarkozy, out for a drink in a local brasserie with her daughter and two friends last Friday night, ignored the TV showing the game.

Presumably political analysts are now working out the implications of her lack of interest for French fiscal policy — particularly the fact that she drank a soda water rather than anything alcoholic.

I mention fiscal policy deliberately. While most people in France are on-message about the rugby team’s prospects in Pool D, some oblique pressures are emerging. TV station TF1, one of the event sponsors, have laid out €40 million for coverage. They chipped in with their support for the team yesterday, with director of sports Charles Villeneuve preferring to concentrate on his disappointment as a Frenchman rather than focusing on the bottom line.

However, it emerged if the French don’t make it to the final, TV advertising revenues will tumble. If France are in the final, a 30-second slot on the day will set you back €175,000. However, if they tumble out beforehand then those advertising slots will drop in price to €83,000.

As Mr Villeneuve said, the team has its back to the wall. No doubt they’re grateful he’s reminded them.