Osprey’s blatant dirty trick

It was not our intention to discuss matters Heineken Cup this week but the events of the past few days cannot pass without comment.

Quite frankly, the decision by the Neath/Swansea Ospreys to cite Munster's Marcus Horan on three counts, including that old reliable 'racial abuse', is disgusting and beneath contempt.

Not for one second do we condone racist slurs, in any instance, but this is a blatant attempt by the Welsh side to cloud the issues that arose out of Munster's legitimate citing of Osprey's Richard Mustoe following their win in the Gnoll last weekend.

The facts are that Mustoe deliberately stamped on Horan's face, an inexcusable action on a rugby pitch, and he deserves to be seriously punished. This is not a statement born out of bias, the evidence of the videotape and the seven stitches adorning Horan's features speak for themselves.

If Mustoe had held up his hands and apologised it would have reflected far better on the player and his club but now we have ill-feeling reminiscent of that which followed Lassisigate a few seasons ago.

Racial abuse is an extremely serious matter so if the Ospreys genuinely believed their centre Elvis Seveali'i had been subjected to it, why then did they not issue an earlier citing? This tit-for-tat citing policy is cheap and undignified.

With a strong desire to lighten the tone, we must recommend a rugby book due to launch later this month entitled Odd-shaped Balls The Mischief- makers, Miscreants and Mad-hatters of rugby. Written by prolific author John Scally, who already has 18 books to his name including The Good, The Bad and The Rugby, and The Giants of Irish Rugby, this is a collection of rugby anecdotes from around the globe which will bring a smile to the face of any rugby fan who feels the modern game has gone too serious. Of course, some of the yarns are well-worn and familiar but many more are not.

One we had not heard before involved former England captain Will Carling, a man whose unpopularity knew no bounds. Apparently, Carling once played a league match for Harlequins against Leicester in Welford Road after which a Tigers' fan ran over to Will and punched him on the chin. The story goes that it was the first recorded instance of the fan hitting the sh*t.

Welsh icon Gareth Edwards features prominently with one story from the 1970s revolving around the team's calls to let the forwards know which way the backs were going after a scrum.

The flankers were Trevor Evans from Swansea and Terry Cobner from Pontypool so it was decided that any word beginning with 's' meant the ball was going left and any word beginning with 'p' meant right.

Just as he was about to put in the ball, Edwards yelled out "Psychology!" the front row went left, the rest right and chaos was the result.

Another call-gone-wrong story involves Scotland's 1984 Grand Slam captain in the dressing room before the game with England.

"How many teams will be out there today lads?" screamed Aitken. "ONE TEAM," they roared.

"That's right, one team, and it's men versus boys today, what is it lads?"

"ONE TEAM, MEN VERSUS BOYS," they yelled. At this point the ref opened the door, "Right, boys, it's time to go."

Our all-time favourite Irish rugby story is included and it involves the delightfully down-to-earth Trevor Brennan, who now plies his trade in France with Toulouse.

When Warren Gatland was coaching Ireland in the late 1990s, Brennan approached him one day after training complaining of tiredness and wondering if the coach had any suggestions.

"Well," said Gatland, "I always found that eating four to five bananas the morning of a game always helped."

The next day, Gatland came across a green-looking Brennan and asked him had he followed the advice.

"I'm really sorry Gats," said Brennan, "but I could only manage 29."

Gatland paused puzzled, before realisation dawned: "No, no Trev, I said four to five bananas, not 45..."