Southern dodos flee the fiscal winter

SO, Steve Hansen has gone back to the ‘Land of the Long White Cloud’, joining fellow Kiwi returnees Graham Henry and Wayne Smith in their bid to capture the Webb Ellis trophy for New Zealand for the first time since 1987.

There is no question that the Southern Hemisphere nations are now closing ranks. England's World Cup victory shook the Tri-Nations to the core and the easy arrogance that once came with knowing the world's best rugby was played south of the equator has evaporated.

At the lower level of Irish club rugby, we are also going to see a mass southern hemisphere coaching and player exodus over the next few years.

This is less to do with a change in the balance of power and more to do with a change in bank balances. The money is gone from the clubs, and the Aussies, Kiwis and South Africans will leave in search of it. A modern day Flight of the Earls not to mention the Warrens, Grants and Scotts.

Oh, how I recall the excitement when they first arrived on these shores. We thrilled to the sound of their deep gravelly voices, marvelled at the tales of the size of the fish 'back home', and swooned when they performed the 'haka' topless in thronged public houses.

Our rugby culture quickly altered to accommodate the expertise of our new guests.

Counting in the scrum became de rigeur, phrases such as "doing the hard yards" and "go forward ball" peppered our rugby talk. No longer did we play on a mere pitch, now we ran out onto the "paddock" and, in Dolphin's case, our position "behind the 8-ball" replaced the annual trip up shit creek.

More and more flocked over, lured by tales of the cash, the impressionable women and the low-level rugby.

Southern imports became the mobile phones of Irish rugby - eight years ago they were rare and exotic but soon every club had one.

Indeed, I once had the rather disconcerting experience of standing next to the Belfast Harlequins coach as he roared instructions to his winger in Afrikaans.

However, in the last couple of years, the Southern Hemisphere appeal has begun to pall. England's triumph last year, allied to an increasing confidence in Irish rugby, has eroded the pedestal upon which we once placed our southern visitors.

Much like the Budweiser "Waassssaaaapppp?" war-cry a few years ago, the topless haka is amusing the first few times but quickly becomes tiresome, and if 'back home' was that good, why were they here in the first place?

One also began to notice the general absence of irony in the southern culture, as evidenced by a question I was once asked by an Aussie in relation to our out-half's nickname. "Why do you call that guy 'Muscles'? He's tiny."

Practically every club has been caught out in the past by dressed-up CVs and false promises, shelling out large amounts of cash in an attempt to buy success.

In the case of coaching, it has certainly affected the amount of homegrown coaches being developed but now, with budgets under close scrutiny, (cheaper) local coaches finally have a chance to come through.

However, before being besieged by accusations of xenophobia, I must stress that there have been many wonderful ambassadors from the Southern Hemisphere who have graced our game.

At a higher level, Munster certainly have been blessed by the quality of their southern imports. Rhys Ellison, Mikey Mullins, Jason Holland, John Langford and Jim Williams have given their all to the cause and, consequently, are held in the highest regard by the fans.

Similarly, at AIL and junior level there are guys who have come over, embraced the lifestyle and put their heart and soul into helping the club achieve success.

Yet, for every Andy Melville, Damon Ulrich and Dave Pomeroy there are a dozen bluffers.

Now the money is gone, we shall see how many remain. The genuine ones will stay on and continue to help their clubs in this most difficult time for the club game.

And the bluffers? Aw strewth mate, we won't be seeing them again.

Unless perhaps the GAA goes professional.