Another glorious Kiwi flop

SO Clinton Huppert has gone home to mama. Who the hell is Clinton Huppert? Exactly.

He arrived from Wellington, New Zealand last August signed by Munster coach Alan Gaffney for a reported €65,000. A utility back, Huppert was brought in as cover for the back-line having, apparently, impressed in the NPC championship when he filled in for Test-tied Christian Cullen.

However, not only did he fail to make an impression with Munster, he was also unable to break into the first XV at his club side Shannon. "The seconds were about his level," said a source at Shannon, "he wasn't up to the AIL".

At least old Mother Huppert won't find her cupboard bare when Clint gets back because he reputedly received a pay-off of around €25,000 not bad for a Seconds League player.

Since the southern hemisphere began exporting players to the AIL in the early 1990s nearly every club, senior and junior, has been disappointed at one stage or another. I remember in the summer of 1997 the feverish excitement in Dolphin at the impending arrival of a 'giant Kiwi' from Southland.

We had just gained promotion to Division One and were beefing up the squad for the season ahead and Steve Jackson, or the 'Messiah' as we dubbed him, was to be the fulcrum of our challenge. When he walked through the gates we were like tittering schoolgirls at a Westlife concert, even though he was a good bit smaller than the description we had been fed.

It didn't work out.

Nice guy and all that (although notoriously slow to the bar) but I would rate his contribution to our season at around 2/10. We rated his wife at a unanimous 10/10 but that's another story.

Then, last summer, who shows up as captain of Southland and captain of the New Zealand Maoris? You got it, the bloody Messiah.

Yep, this guy could play, he just couldn't be arsed to play for us.

Two seasons later, we signed two more Kiwis, one was a "six foot eight second row in the mould of Ian Jones", the other a "tough tackling wing forward with a Kronfeld-like hunger for the ball". Jones and Kronfeld? Try Mutt and Jeff.

The second row had no hands and moved like a three-legged giraffe while 'Kronfeld' wasn't bad but was slightly hampered by his five foot two stature.

THE KEY to southern hemisphere recruiting is caution. Since getting our fingers burned, our imports have been excellent, and there have been some magnificent contributors to Irish rugby from the other side of the world.

You think of Andy Melville at Carlow, Andy Ward (Ballinahinch), Jason Holland (Midleton), Rhys Ellison (Shannon), and more recently, the talismanic John Langford and Jim Williams in Munster.

So, there are as many positive as negative experiences, guys who have brought great ability, commitment, and knowledge to Irish rugby. Clubs have wisened up, made less rash promises, and have undertaken more research, but you never truly know until they are togged out and grappling with the vagaries of our particular brand of the game.

So, farewell Clinton, your lasting legacy to Irish rugby is probably just language-based.

Apparently, down Thomond way, players don't have 'nightmares' any more, they have a 'Huppert'.