Pooper Laporte to be ejected from party

DAVID GRAY has a lot to answer for. The Welsh warbler’s huge popularity in the late 1990s led to his White Ladder album becoming de rigeur at middle-class dinner parties.

As a result, we are now suffering a singer/songwriter epidemic on a scale not seen since the heyday of Bob Dylan and Cat Stevens.

The knock-on effects have been catastrophic. Guitar guys, hitherto confined to their bedrooms, are now roaming free, persecuting the public and ruining parties. It is one thing if Carlos Santana, BB King or Christy Moore show up and take over your party (as long as Christy agrees not to play Black is the Colour), but having it ruined by some muppet murdering Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah is just rude.