TV view: ‘Half-time and nothing on yellow ticker but Cyril was ticking alright’

At half-time, nobody had expected this contest to be so one-sided.

On Sky Sports News, still no word from Thurles. We went to Monaco, Wentworth, Wembley, Easter Road. They brought us on a tour of the Super League. Gareth Batty took eight wickets at Essex. We had time to hear that Danny Welbeck was going to Brazil to “prove myself to myself.”

But Thurles hadn’t even made it onto the yellow ticker. Are they up for this battle at all? The RTÉ lads have been taking it deadly serious and were out of the blocks as quick as Waterford. They won’t beg but they might borrow and steal. Hip to whip, as Cyril might put it, they took on the pretenders at their own game, their speciality. The montage.

Eddie Brennan on voiceover duty. The usual stuff. Warriors and legends. A game of lore. Message understood; there will be no toning down the hype just because the hypemasters are in town.

Down to business. New graphics. Did they glide on screen with that insouciant swoosh before? Maybe they did, or maybe there was a touch of polish. We never doubted the analysis, but had Ger Loughnane ever made as much use of the arrows? They pointed to space behind Cork’s half-back line. Waterford’s main hope on a day they weren’t given much.

The line-ups were delivered the Sky way; graphics of the players strolling to camera, albeit a touch more sheepishly than the Premier League lads. A nod to health and safety; they took the hurleys off them. All 30 would hardly have taken their positions without someone getting the butt.

Everyone going for Cork, handy enough. They scored 25 points in the two All-Irelands, pointed out Cyril. “Enough to win any game.” Except those two.

Small changes, but the same Marty. Take a drink for every ‘banks of the Lee’ first half, you’d have drunk it dry.

Himself and Duignan’s 20-20 hindsight sharp as ever too. When Austin Gleeson drifted a sideline wide, it was the inexperience. He should have kept it in play. When he stuck the next one over, it was magnificent.

Half-time, nothing on the yellow ticker but Cyril was ticking alright, scores were popping and wrists were flowing. For Waterford anyway. “Cork are barely hanging in.”

“They look like they are here for a league encounter,” wondered Liam Sheedy. Ger didn’t need arrows to skewer Cork’s effort: “Total excuse-me hurling.”

Michael Lyster, meanwhile, served warning to his two new rivals with evidence of an added string to his bow; impressions: “If Pat Spillane was still here, he’d be talking about ‘intinsity’.”

Tony Browne was pitchside with Joanne Cantwell at a big round table they hadn’t much use for. More space that needs filling. If Sky once gave Jimmy Hill croissants, maybe a jug of MiWadi would be a nice touch.

Back underway and Gleeson stuck a bullet. “A contender for goal of the season,” felt Marty, a little understated, for him. Duignan was prepared to go a bit further. “One of the best goals you will ever see in Semple Stadium.”

Forget Sky a minute, Marty was soon borrowing from ITV’s Clive Tyldesley and his famous announcement of Wayne Rooney’s arrival, against Arsenal.

“Remember the name; Alan Cadogan.” It was Waterford hanging on now. In the end, both did. Cyril was right; 25 points would have won.

Afterwards, Ger went back where those arrows were pointing; to the spaces Gleeson rampaged into. “That was Pat Donnellan last year all over again.”

Credit, all the same, for Cork’s composure in adversity. “For all their flaws, they still fight to the end. The no-panic button was well, well tested.”

Over on SSN, even Jim Whyte’s arrival, the man who knows it all, couldn’t persuade them to tell us the score. Have they been ball-hopping us, or what? Taking no chances, RTÉ pulled off a final steal. The studio interview with the gaffer, with JBM facing the music from everyone, even if the lads stopped short of introducing themselves, like Jamie Redknapp does Jimmy was on message, as usual. No excuse-mes.

“The comments in the studio are very fair and accurate.”

RTÉ’s day.