No end to Reina/Rafa’s foot-in-mouth folly

IF Rafa gets bored with management he could always try his hand at ventriloquism.

He’s a natural. I’m losing count of the times his words come out of others’ mouths.

Journalists who know to the exact penny how little is in the kitty. Internet warriors who uncannily ‘predicted’ that Mascherano would play right-back last March. Famous reds with impeccable credentials who, with unnerving synchronicity, inform the world that Babel was actually one of Rick Parry’s gaffes, at the exact moment the crying Dutchman burns his last bridge.

The less said about the propaganda war with Alonso the better. The manager’s zealots tend to leave no stone unturned. Parry must have thought falling on his sword would spare him further wounds, sad deluded fool that he is.

There are persistent rumours that some kind of gagging order was inserted into the manager’s eye-popping new contract. Yeah, they’ve not really thought that one through have they? Now this infernal nonsense from Reina about realistic title expectations when the season is one month old! I’m sure his words were his own, like when he estimated the difference between Liverpool and United was an extra €100 million spent. That’s an expensive four points, and merely coincidence that his calculation tallied perfectly with the manager’s.

In a year when we came close to evicting them from our perch and they’ve lost Ronaldo and Tevez I’m surprised Rafa (sorry, Pepe) should moan about lacking match-winners. Actually, ‘surprised’ would be pushing it a tad.

In black and white terms we should not be suffering much. Aquilani may not be Xabi (how or when will we ever be able to tell?) but Johnson leaves Arbeloa standing, so shouldn’t we remain at par? Besides, one bad result against Villa is all that separates us from last season’s colossal achievement … so far.

There is such a thing as being too clever for your own good. Playing the Lower Expectations game can be mighty tricky, standing perilously on the verge of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Fans can turn in an instant if they suspect you of trying to evade your duty as a servant of the biggest, most ambitious club around.

Then you look at the debt and financial wizardry of the summer and the word ambition becomes a corpse in your mouth. A dark cloud hangs over this once mighty institution and only a tornado will blow it away, leaving us to sift through debris and hope there’s enough left to rebuild.

It’s also fair to say we were not confident front-runners last season. The manager’s edginess, contract manipulations and even his health didn’t help, but on the whole we weren’t too comfortable in the lead.

Not that we’ve had any say in the matter thus far. There have already been some unnerving results elsewhere, apart from Arsenal who in the vacuous world of football reportage have reverted back to pretty-boy flops in the blink of an eye.

Their treatment should make us wary of leaping to conclusions. This is a long haul. True we have failed our only two challenges thus far and swatting the likes of Stoke and Burnley proves little, but we have barely limped into September for God’s sake.

Home games against obvious trapdoor fodder don’t do much to stiffen the sinews. Your only hope of a fruitful afternoon is if the players fancy building up a cricket score. They duly obliged.

The players became a little obsessed with backheels. I find circus football tacky but at least it displayed an unlocking of strategic shackles that hasn’t always occurred in this dying decade.

Riera, unlike Babel, took his opportunity despite an inefficient start. He got stronger in the second half, something that’s rarely happened before, and he has taken Rafa’s words to heart. Would that the same could be said of Torres.

It mattered little, as Benayoun excelled as he so often does. With the game won and the Champions League looming we were treated to the delectable delights of our bench. At a time when two games a week are norm rather than exception it was disconcerting to witness the dross on show. You start to believe Pepe has a point.

Agger and Aquilani will certainly make things better, but the fascination lies in where we are in the table by the time they return.

And whether it’s still 2009.