Hawthorns horror sparks sinking feeling

AFTER last week’s rant about Sunderland AFC almost sending me to an early grave, I received an amusing phone call from Wrigley’s chewing gum this week.

They’re studying the impact football has on supporters and want to monitor my heart rate via some flashy watch and take samples of my saliva to judge my stress levels during our final five games.

I’ve always insisted that following SAFC is full of more thrills and spills than any roller-coaster and I’m pretty sure there will soon be scientific evidence to back this up. As I strapped myself in for yet another ride at The Hawthorns on Saturday, I was apprehensive about just how much tension I’d be put through.

Thankfully Spag Bol ensured there was pretty much zero anxiety in the away end, just abject misery. From the first minute to the last we looked a beaten side. In fact as I broke out into a cold sweat as Juan Carlos Menseguez fired in West Brom’s third of the afternoon, I had to check my monitor to see if it was still picking up a pulse. Watching the rest of my fellow dejected Sunderland fans trundle out, there was a look of the walking dead about them.

Last week was spent with Sunderland bosses of the past bickering in the press about us and Ricky Sbragia had the perfect chance to silence everyone by celebrating virtual safety. Instead we’re right back in the mess and the rumblings of discontent from Mr Keane and Mr McCarthy provide more ammunition for supporters to snipe at the club.

First up was Mick McCarthy, who celebrated winning promotion with Wolves with a strange swing at Sunderland. Big Mick was undoubtedly given a raw deal at SAFC, which he was only too happy to mention in answering questions about Wolves’ chances of survival next season, suggesting that “If I’m given six million to spend like I was last time, then we’ll all be in trouble.” It’s true he was given a paltry budget, but you’d think he could at least just smile and say he’s looking forward to the challenge.

Inspired by Mick’s moaning, football’s biggest whinger was back last week, this time at Ipswich.

As I saw Roy Keane unveiled at a press conference at Portman Road it was a bit like seeing an ex-girlfriend with a new fella. Thankfully, he’s only scored with Ipswich so I’m not too jealous as Sunderland are far sexier. However, I’m ready to kick my current metaphoric manager/girlfriend into touch if Quinny will let me.

But Roy has box-office appeal that commands attention and he was quick to pass the buck regarding his time at the Stadium of Light. Keano said: “When I took over there, one of the first things I asked was for no interference on playing matters. But unfortunately they then decided to move the goalposts.”

He mentioned a lack of trust as if we’d dealt him a tough hand, but the luxury of spending £75m (€84m) without any questions from above is an extravagance you suspect Mick McCarthy would have killed for.

Keane’s biggest legacy remains our failure to recoup transfer fees for any of his costly flops, whilst many of McCarthy’s bargain basement buys such as Danny Collins and Dean Whitehead are still first-team regulars. You’d be tempted to point towards Mick being the far better manager long-term.

Speaking of Roy’s transfer failures, rumour has it that Craig Gordon’s recent injury has coincided with our obligation to stump up £300,000 (€336,000) to Hearts if he makes another appearance for SAFC, which would be his 50th. We seem to have hit rock bottom on and off the pitch.

Results over the weekend were mixed. Blackburn’s win takes them to the brink of safety, whilst Newcastle’s draw against Portsmouth makes Pompey almost safe, but the Mags have it all to do. Thankfully Boro and Hull both lost to remain below us, but it’s unlikely they’ll all go the rest of the season without picking up any more points, so we have to get some of our own.

Next up are cup finalists and sixth-placed Everton. Whilst they have injuries as well as an eye on the Wembley showpiece, it’s going to take a performance full of guts, vigour and class to overcome them.

We’ve been lacking all those qualities for some time. Hopefully this time next week I’ll be talking about how Sunderland have finally got my heart racing again.

* Read more from Martyn McFadden at www.a-love-supreme.com