Real worries as player fallout hits home

ROY Keane’s nose is getting shorter and shorter each week, as he gradually cuts it off to spite his face. For some obscene reason he dropped Daryl Murphy, Michael Chopra and Kieran Richardson for our match against high-flying Chelsea last weekend.

Rumours are abound that they were left out after late-night boozing, although the gaffer is adamant that it was for “footballing reasons”, adding that “it seems to be something about this area that rumours go around about different players”.

To be honest, Roy, there’s something about people in the North East that means we know the team that took to the field on Saturday wasn’t our best available, so it’s no surprise questions are being asked.