Fulham felled by Frank in full flow

WHEN I arrived at Craven Cottage on Saturday I was already feeling a bit queasy thanks to a dodgy burger I’d had in the pub earlier in the day — my queasiness was mixed with outrage as said burger had cost five pounds!!!

When I discovered that John Terry wasn’t playing, I felt even sicker.

My already churning stomach turned into a washing machine spin cycle when I realised that our cover centre-back, The Cannibal, was also out and that José had decided to play the often lightweight Ferreira in central defence