The 2024 Larrys: Keano's canine tips, Lecter's A-Team, Rory's political swings and radio gold
WHY ALWAYS ME?: Roy Keane was the inescapable face of 2024. Pic: Richard Heathcote/Getty Images)
Holder of the 2023 Most Influential Influencer award, Roy Keane kicked things up a notch again in '24. Everything now revolves around Roy, the grumpy face of Sky Mobile, a movie of Saipan in the works, three nights with Roddy Doyle sold out in the Marquee, Amorim promising to buy him dinner, and another year gone constantly viral, cranking up the rage at United’s misfortunes on demand, and with comic timing now the envy of any standup in the game. The most quotable man in football history summed up the year perfectly. “I always say, you want loyalty, get yourself a dog.”
Scott Hanson: "Pittsburgh are knocking on the doorstep."
Stephen Kelly: “1-0 is a vicarious position for Celtic.”
Mark McAdam on Man City: "They are in unprecedented water.”
Austin Healey: “As Hannibal used to say, I love it when a plan comes together.”
Kenny Cunningham: “Talk about calm as a cucumber…”
After a miss in the Tipp football final: “That’s usually chalk and cheese for a player of that standard.”
Jamie Jackson: “The proof of the pudding is in the making.”
Ken Doherty on the snooker going from the Crucible to Saudi: "It would be the death of the game. This is our Mecca.”
Martin Tyler: “He scored the only goal of the game, which turned out to be the matchwinner.”
Despite no drop in standards, Conor McGregor had to settle for a podium place last year due to the tireless efforts of Joey Barton. No stopping him in 2024.
The GAA’s first viral star 'Effin Eddie' Moroney made his return to public life as a pundit on Clubber TV for Aherlow’s charge to Tipp IFC glory. And mother of god, it was another mighty performance, with an on-air rendition of the Galtee Mountain Boy and a promise that “we’ll celebrate tonight, I’ll tell you. The Glen will be alive.”
However these new Gaelic football rules work out — and what would we talk about if they actually fixed the game — hats off to the FRC team for providing years of ‘You are the ref’ material with some of their scenario planning. Is a deflection off a defender considered a pass to your goalkeeper? Can you put your keeper in an outfield jersey to get around the '3-up' rule? What exactly can the third player into a melee do? Every loophole is closed off in an impressive 3,000-word document.
That Sky ‘Bound by Belief’ effort where the whole nation lines up to defend a last-minute free-kick and still leave Courtney Brosnan and Gavin Bazunu exposed and unsighted. You can nearly hear Ronnie Whelan lament that we’ve “got to be smarter”.
The clampdown on the desperate scourge of delaying free-kicks. Two Arsenal red cards then swiftly forgotten.
Whoever is responsible for FAI match programmes. Triggering an apology to Latvia for listing their Under-21 players as “Robert The Liar”, “Bruno the Black” and “Dario Shit”. Then utterly triggering James McClean by printing an Ireland map featuring Londonderry.
Keeper Lewis Patching joined Rushden & Diamonds, let in four, headbutted a fan in the bar and got sacked. And keeper George Shelvey joined Dundalk, saw red for calling a ref “an Irish ****”, copped a 10-match ban and left the club ‘by mutual consent’.
Ipswich defender Axel Tuanzebe nearly lost his thumb washing the dishes. Scottie Scheffler cut his hand making Christmas dinner. Bolton striker Victor Adeboyejo missed a game after a ‘pretty heavy sneeze’ injured his back. Aussie pace bowler Jhye Richardson hurt his shoulder with a celebratory high-five. Moldovan judoka Adil Osmanov dislocated his shoulder celebrating his bronze medal. Czech Republic midfielder Michal Sadilek missed Euro 2024 after gashing his leg falling off a bike. Mexican sevens player Diego Aguilar ran into a post and knocked the crossbar on his head. He was cut but ok. While Carlos Alcaraz was stung by a swarm of bees at Indian Wells.
Ex-Sheffield Utd boss Chris Wilder was outraged by chewing effrontery: “It’s a ridiculous performance from the officials. I went to see the referee and I’ve told him that. One of his assistants was eating a sandwich at the time, which I thought was a complete lack of respect. Hopefully he enjoyed his sandwich while he was talking to a Premier League manager.”
The esteemed Peter Jackson, of these quarters, revealed his final chat with the late Barry John, the great Welsh rugby player who died this year. “It used to be a game you played to find space and run into it. Now they look for people to run into. It’s not a question of would I play but would I want to play. No, I wouldn’t.”
The BBC viewers enraptured by hurling as though it’s always the very first time they’ve seen it. Something is not registering.
Mikel Arteta setting a pickpocket on his Arsenal squad appears to have them constantly looking over their shoulder in a state of anxiety.
Will we ever now get to see the most talked about production of the year? “Film it all,” are the words widely attributed to John Kiely, apparently to one of Limerick’s media team, tasked with capturing the wildness of the Cork supporters’ celebrations following the win over the then-champions back in May in Páirc Uí Chaoimh. Probably didn’t bother making a sequel.
He might now have all the Red Bull he can drink but if Jurgen had known Pep would soon be scratching his head off…
Caller to Talksport: “I honestly wish it was my wife leaving me and not Jurgen.”
On the LIV v PGA war: “I sort of liken it to when Northern Ireland went through the peace process.”
And on the US election solving it all: “Obviously Trump has a great relationship with Saudi Arabia. He’s got a great relationship with golf. He’s a lover of golf. He’s got Elon Musk, who I think is the smartest man in the world, beside him. We might be able to do something if we can get Musk involved, too."
No doubt David Coote, amid a torrid year for the lad, will take some solace that it isn’t the ‘German ****’ charging to the title.
French Olympic pole-vaulter Anthony Ammirati, whose togs were unable to contain the part of his body which brought down the bar. No medals, but he did get a $250,000 offer for some, er, movie work.
Heard before Ireland v Italy in the Six Nation. We need to be wary because “they are a week older as a group”.
The Old Trafford waterfall is so last year now the Theatre of Dreams has been infested with mice.
Danny Care recalled Eddie Jones’s spell as England boss: “Remember what it felt like when someone was being bullied at school and you were just glad it wasn’t you? That was the vibe.”
“It’s nearly destroying it talking about it, we should just shut up and watch.” Dónal Óg Cusack wanted a moment’s silence for Tony Kelly's magic in the All-Ireland final.
What exactly happened to that fly-on-the-wall Liverpool documentary charting Klopp’s last dance we were promised?
Jude Bellingham after the Champions League final; a 20-year-old icon, global superstar since 17, going full Golden Cleric and taking aim at all those people along the way who told him he’d never amount to anything.
One tiny slip can define four years toil, as Rhys McClenaghan knows too well. In Paris, there was no slip. “If I fell on my bum today, I still would have loved this journey, every second of it. But I didn’t and today I’m walking away with an Olympic gold medal.”
TJ Ryan’s perfect tribute to Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh: “If he was on the radio, you could drive forever.”
