Colin Sheridan: Spending less than quality time with Jake
LOVE HIM OR LOATHE HIM? Jake Humphrey. Pic: Ian West/PA Wire
“4.44am: I wake to the sound of breaking glass. The source of which I will reveal later. I sit bolt upright. I undress and seamlessly move into Modern-Dance-Tai-Chi; a freestyle eastern movement infused with contemporary hip-hop. My apartment is still dark as I glide. The blinds on the windows are motion-sensored and open at .2 mm per second to allow for night vision adjustment. I conclude my dance routine with a series of breathing exercises before collecting my perspiration from the floor, rinsing it from a cloth into my nutribullet 3000 blender. Using the sweat, goji berries and genetically modified fish spawn, I make a smoothie. I once read that Steve Jobs drank four litres of his own fluids per day. Many see excretion as weakness leaving the body, but Jobs was the world’s first true “self-recycler”. The sweat thing is next level. The circle of life.”
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