Larry Ryan: What do we want from a magazine sports show?

Sky Sports is adapting to the evolving needs of their customers.

Apres Match left to right Risteard Cooper Gary Cooke Barry Murphy

Even over here in Rugby Country, there has been a fair bit of discussion this week about the demise of Soccer AM. And what it means. Is this just another knife in the heart of our old friend, banter? They had still been toiling away, Fenners and company, at the coalface of the bantz, long after most people had stopped watching. But now Sky Sports is pulling the plug at the end of the season, claiming it must “continually adapt to the evolving needs of our customers”.

That admirable commitment to serving the needs of its customers doesn’t seem to extend to showing any of Arsenal’s matches during this gallant title charge, this billpayer has noticed. And it would also appear that Sky’s customers have evolved past many other shows that were once available to us, such as Goals on Sunday, Revista de La Liga and Sunday Supplement.

Maybe the focus groups tracking the evolution of customers’ needs have accurately concluded that all anyone wants is ex-players goading one another in high-pitched ways about the fortunes of Manchester United and Liverpool.

But nevertheless, this news should cause us to take stock. To reassess what exactly it is the customer wants from shows like Soccer AM. Magazine shows, we might have called them, back in the day when people knew what magazines were. Especially when word is that Sky is replacing Soccer AM with its current early morning show, Saturday Social, surely among the worst television programmes ever broadcast.

There could, of course, be a danger here of a generation gap presenting itself, in this basic failure to appreciate the appeal of Saturday Social, during my limited exposure to it. I did, after all, take my finger off the pulse long enough not to notice that nearly everything on the internet is now videos of Irish lads roaring and shouting and being brought to tears by the struggles of Liverpool.

But am I right in saying Saturday Social essentially involves YouTubers, or random lads who have become famous on the Internet, giving their opinion on football matters of the day, lathered in a light smearing of half-hearted banter?

“Who’s going to finish top four Dougie?” 

“You’re not going to like it Smithy, but I think Spurs will drop out, ha ha ha.” 

“You’re right, I don’t like it. Ha ha ha.” 

“Ha ha ha.” 

I suppose it takes all sorts.

So what we are seeing here with the end of Soccer AM might well be a different variant of the phenomenon long ago identified by the great Declan Lynch in the Sunday Independent as “Anything That Is Any Good In This World Is In Constant Danger.” Aprés Match one of the many things that comes to mind, in this category.

This wasn’t quite that. Soccer AM was never that good, it somehow survived constant peril, but eventually went under when something worse came along.

Or maybe this is just a rebranding exercise of the kind the FAI baulked at last week. The casting off of toxic baggage. Perhaps the spirit of Soccer AM will rise again, under a new title. It was evident in many of the show’s obituaries this week that it was never fully forgiven the Soccerette years, even if the show long ago moved away from the old sexism and the more excessive displays of laddishness.

It popularised the crossbar challenge, which is a greater contribution to society than most have made. And these days, it was mainly about Jimmy Bullard kicking a ball into a goal in different ways. And there’s not much wrong with that as a format.

So what do we want from a magazine sports show? And could we ever put something together here that would last the course for 30 years like Soccer AM?

Indeed, when it comes to a clamour among the sporting public, the need for a good GAA magazine show probably ranks only behind the need to reform the National Hurling Leagues and reform Gaelic football full stop, on most wishlists.

Many have tried, if not been trusted. Park Live contained some of the essential components of Soccer AM, in so far as it had skill challenges. Breaking Ball was the most acclaimed of the genre. Second Captains Live seemed to have a mult-sport format nailed. Though none were persisted with. But then nobody ever found out why Know Your Sport finished up either.

MNS had a decent run, on the League of Ireland beat, and it got the mix of controvassy and bantz just about right, even if Stephen Alkin did famously tell us, one night, that "Barry Murphy's thigh muscle injury appears to be terminal”. 

But if we were starting now from scratch, what might be the essential components of our own Sport AM?

There will have to be sporting tests and plenty of them. Could there be anything more compelling than Fair City’s Leo Dowling versus Henry Shefflin over a respotted black? I’d get Marty Whelan involved somehow and introduce a National Lottery element where the winning pot earns someone quarter of a million. 

The Showboat would be retained, of course, the brief broadened, I suppose, to allow for clips of rugby players audaciously throwing the ball to one another and successfully catching it.  

A weekly debate would be needed. If money was no object, of course you’d tempt Keano, to spend a few minutes ranting and quipping caustically. Even better, why not get Keano and Dunphy in to passionately argue the toss on anything you like, and then get them to change ends and take the exact opposite positions with equal conviction? 

To satisfy the anoraks, there would be a requirement to somberly analyse somebody's puckout or kickout strategy, with extensive use of a behind the goal camera. 

And to move with the times, perhaps Jake Humphrey could be tempted over to host a weekly thinktank on developing a growth mindset and achieving marginal gains in a high performance environment.

You'd play out every week, naturally, with Aprés Match. And if it would satisfy the advertisers, I suppose they could always recreate golden moments of pundits goading one another in high-pitched ways about the fortunes of Manchester United and Liverpool.