Michael Moynihan: I’ve joined a club that has long intrigued

Mon, 19 Jul, 2021 - 06:00

About 10 minutes into last Wednesday night’s Munster minor hurling game between Cork and Clare, I joined a club I have long wondered about.

Following a stadium announcement, I had to leave my seat to return to the car.

For many years I wondered at these people’s focus on the game.

How they remained impervious to the instructions of the stadium PA detailing their car registration details, spectators so engrossed in the proceedings that anything — anything! — could be happening to their mode of transport outside, but the game had to be followed.

I worked out last Wednesday that it’s at least 50% focus and 50% unfamiliarity with the numbers and letters on the licence plate.

It was only after a few announcements were made that somewhere, deep in my lizard-brain recesses, it registered that what they were calling out was vaguely familiar. I fished out the keys and recognised the year, county, and numbers on the tag attached, which seemed to be spelled out extra . . . slowly . . . over the loudspeakers even as I read them at the same time.

In my own defence, it wasn’t my car but one I’d borrowed for reasons which need not detain us here (hence having a tag on the keys). That did nothing to assuage the feelings of guilt as I headed out of my seat, however: up with me and out fast.

With just a few hundred in the stadium, egress wasn’t an issue and a minute or so later I was at the car park behind the stand, ready to bow my head and ask for forgiveness.

In typical Semple Stadium fashion, however, the stewards were just being helpful — they were concerned because the driver’s-side window was left wide open, which meant the elaborate excuses, Powerpoint presentation and three-dimensional models I was considering to rationalise my crimes weren’t needed.

It certainly wasn’t a patch on my only previous crisis in Thurles, when I got accidentally locked into the toilet in the Kinane Stand press box, a story I recycle given any encouragement (please no — sports staff).

I got back to my seat and got filled in on the scores and all was right with the world once more. If there was one game and one venue at which this had to happen, it was clearly last Wednesday evening in Thurles.

But the experience did remind me of a story I heard once about another venue on this island, one which had a problem going back to the dark old days of the 80s with people ringing in bomb warnings and what not.

Those running the stadium were in something of a quandary — they didn’t want to panic spectators by announcing a bomb scare, but they also had to put security on notice if a warning came in.

Eventually they hit on a solution, coming up with a random car licence number and using that as their warning announcement — when security heard that said car was ‘causing an obstruction outside’ they took appropriate steps without alarming supporters unduly.

All went well until the inevitable day the announcement was made, only for an agitated spectator to run up to the PA office and point out that it was his car but it was at home in the driveway, how the hell could it be causing an obstruction a hundred miles away?

How much is too much?

Cork underage teams have a busy week coming up. Following a dramatic win over Kerry last week, the U20 footballers face Tipperary on Thursday in the Munster final.

Tomorrow night — two nights before that football game — Cork take on Tipperary again, this time in the U20 hurling championship.

Cork have players who will therefore be playing in two Munster championship games in three days. On top of that, Jack Cahalane and Brian Hayes also played in the All-Ireland U20 hurling final (2020 edition) last Saturday week.

Having contributed to that win, Cahalane and Hayes were significant players in Cork’s victory over Kerry, the former hitting a goal and Hayes winning possession late on to set up Cork’s winner.

I accept we’re in exceptional times, and I grant you that the GAA is doing obair na gcapall to even get games run off, never mind operating a coherent championship structure.

But this seems a bit excessive to me. There’s an inherent disregard with this kind of scheduling for the possibility of the dual player: it’s de facto deterrence, which is a strange position for a games promotion organisation to be in.

If the reward for excelling in the GAA’s sports is being saddled with an unrealistic fixture list, then that has to be changed. As noted, the circumstances this year are exceptional, but that’s not a card that can always be played.

Progress comes slowly

I see another milestone popping up on the road to the 21st century next week, with media reports in the US stating that for the first time people watching a Major League Baseball game on TV may not hear a man’s voice as one of the commentators or presenters. Five women are expected to work as the on-air crew for the Baltimore Orioles versus Tampa Bay Rays.

They are Melanie Newman, the Orioles’ radio commentator since last year; Sarah Langs, an analyst and writer for MLB.com, who will be the game analyst; Alanna Rizzo, who will report from the field — our equivalent of a sideline reporter, presumably; and Heidi Watney and Lauren Gardner are to present the pre- and postgame shows.

The game is the MLB Game of the Week Live on YouTube if you want to tune in. There’s something vaguely depressing that something like this is even worthy of note, but it does mark onward movement.

In a week when we saw quite a lot of backward movement, though, it’s welcome. It shows that despite what might be suggested to the contrary — exhibits A to Z: last Sunday in Wembley — the arc curves upwards rather than down, even if that curve isn’t immediately obvious. Progress.

Something for the holiday reading list

Some years ago, I had reason to root around for a phone number for a person in the States, and I was stumped pretty fast.

On the off-chance I had a look at the New York Times sports section and came across a terrific piece by John Branch, to whom I then — as they might say in New York — ‘reached out’ in the vague hope he might be able to help out.

John came through in spades on the number — and also talked me through the concept of the ice hockey goon for a separate piece, thus establishing a level of classiness that I have yet to reach.

The reason I mention him here is that he has a new book out, Sidecountry: Tales of Death and Life from the Back Roads of Sports, which you need to buy. It’s a collection of 20 of his pieces and will serve you well as holiday reading this summer.

Contact: michael.moynihan@examiner.ie