Tbilisi TV hits spot RTÉ fails to reach

So there I was in my hotel room after the match in Tbilisi, killing the hour before heading to the airport by idly channel-hopping in search of BBC World or CNN.

But no joy, all I got from repeatedly clicking the remote control was a procession of programmes in languages I didn’t understand featuring people I didn’t know talking about subjects of which I was entirely ignorant when, with absolutely no warning, no parental advisory notice, no ‘pay per view’ request and no careful pixelation or techno fig leaf of any kind, my screen was suddenly alive with a trio of naked people, two men and a woman, most vigorously engaged in — how shall I put this? — proving that two into one can go.

Well, lookit missus, I’m still not the better of the shock, and it was only through my renowned spiritual self-control that, in virtually no time at all, I managed to stave off terminal corruption by hitting the remote again and promptly alighting on a religious channel in which some class of holy man with a long beard appeared to be holding an audience of wide-eyed devotees spell-bound with what I can only assume were words of a deeply philosophical nature.