Knock-offs and knockouts meet in brave new world
I’ve know that fact for years. As a pupil at secondary school, I used to look at some of the specimens on the MacRory Cup team. Then I would look at their girlfriends. Let’s just say that in terms of aesthetics, some of the contrasts were truly staggering.
I didn’t learn a lot at school, but I absorbed one very important lesson, and it was this — getting on school teams is very, very important.
As I stood in Dublin Airport last Wednesday morning with the All Stars touring party, I realised that nothing much has changed. In one corner, we had the All Star hurlers. In the other, we had their wives and girlfriends. Wow! Didn’t the boys do well?
Before I am accused of casting unfair aspersions about the finest hurlers in the country, I would like to stress that I would still contend that the ladies are also doing well for themselves.
Good, grounded people tend to attract good, grounded people and the All Stars are no exception.
I have also yet to meet a ‘WAG’ in Shanghai. In fact, the finest sporting achievement on this tour was accomplished by Brian Hogan’s wife, Elaine.
Early last Saturday morning, when some members of the party were still returning from the night before, Elaine was lining up for the Shanghai half marathon. She duly completed the 13.8 miles (Elaine reported the course was 0.7 miles too long), eight months after giving birth to her first child.
Elaine is not the only runner in the group. Two years ago in San Francisco, a journalist thought it would be a good idea to run to the Golden Gate Bridge. He miscalculated the distance. He thought it would take him 30 minutes. He was gone for nearly two hours. Jetlagged and exhausted he went to bed and missed that night’s official dinner. David Collins and his girlfriend Sarah Makem did the same run, only they went further. They also crossed the iconic red bridge. They ran for 12 miles. Neither of them missed dinner.
Anyway, regardless of the physical features of our All Stars, the players on this trip have returned to Ireland as some of the sharpest dressed sportsmen in the country.
Shanghai is the home of the bespoke suit and a vast market that specialises in this trade is located a five-minute walk from the team hotel.
For about €55 to €80 (it all depends on your negotiating skills), it’s possible to get a suit in the colour, cloth and cut of your choosing.
Suffice to say, players, officials and journalists who have spent their lives wearing tracksuits, ill-fitting Farah trousers and brickie-bum jeans will soon be returning to Ireland dressed like Italian football managers.
While the gentlemen bought tailor-made suits, the ladies went for handbags, lots and lots of handbags. Based in a vast underground metro station, the market was a warren of shops, all of them peddling every designer brand imaginable.
The atmosphere of the place could only be described as free enterprise on speed. At first, many of the women were reluctant to haggle.
Girls who were initially intimidated by the intensity of the bartering were suddenly transformed into hardened cattle-dealers when they heard one of their number had secured a Jimmy Choo bag for €12. Screams could be heard from stalls as Chinese traders and Irishwomen went to war over a Chanel bag.
‘I’ll give you 100.’ (€12)
‘No good. That crazy price. I need 1200.’
‘I’ll give you 100.’
‘No. That crazy. No profit. I give you best price. 800.’
‘I’ll give you 100.’
After five minutes of rage and sorrow that was as fake as the products, the bag would be bought for 120. And at the end of the transaction everyone would be smiling.
Forget Red China. Think capitalism and rampant consumerism. In this city of 23 million people, commerce rules Shanghai.
The billboards display advertisements for Volkswagens and Cadillacs. Downtown Shanghai could be anywhere in America. The shops include Tiffany and Cartier. There’s even a Marks and Spencer.
The sheer scale of the city is just mind-blowing. Roads the width of motorways form the arteries into the city centre. The bicycle lanes are as wide as a country road. Tower blocks dot the skyline and they are everywhere. It is both intimidating and extraordinary.
At a function last Friday night, the Irish ambassador, John Kavanagh, revealed that in 1979 there were only two Irishmen in China. Today, there are roughly 1,000 in Shanghai alone.
The men’s and women’s teams from the Shanghai GAA Club were crowned champions at this year’s All-China games in Beijing.
But unlike previous generations, the modern Irish immigrants are no longer building skyscrapers. They are working in them. They are merchant bankers and corporate lawyers.
Indeed, it could be argued that All Star tours shouldn’t go to places like Dubai, Hong Kong, Singapore and Kuala Lumpur .
Poverty and hardship doesn’t force Irishmen to go to the Orient. They go there by choice.
The Irish diaspora in Philadelphia, San Francisco, Boston and New York didn’t have that freedom. Hunger drove many of their ancestors from Ireland.
There is some merit in the view that the GAA owes a greater responsibility to the Irish communities in America, and that all tours should head west.
However, when you witness the gratitude of the Asian Gaels, it would be difficult to deny other eastern cities the same opportunity.
The Irish population in China is only going to get bigger. In the past, uneducated Irishmen emigrated to the old economic empires of Britain and the USA. But China is the new superpower. And the Irish emigrant has also changed. Nowadays, he has a degree in computer programming.
However, with a 30% rate of unemployment among the youth of the Republic of Ireland, many educated, young people will be forced to board a plane.
How can they avoid this outcome? And if they can’t, where should they go?
If I am not mistaken, this All Stars tour has provided the answer to both those questions and smart Irish fathers should take heed of the following advice.
1) If you want your son to stay at home (and possibly get a good-looking woman as well) tell him to stick at the hurling and the football.
2) And if you want your son to get a good job, tell him to start learning Chinese.
