Pure theatre as heroes live up to their billing

Eamon Dunphy and George Hook kissing each other.

Brian Cody talking about the unrest in the Kilkenny camp.

Donal Lenihan in shorts that seemed to have been discarded by Mikhail Baryshnikov. Two sure tips for Cheltenham.

Just another night at the Cork Opera House.

Your columnist took himself along to the charity gig at that venue last Friday night, Up Close And Personal With Ireland’s Sporting Heroes, in aid of the Mercy Hospital and Glen Rovers hurling club in Cork city, and the organisers couldn’t be indicted under the trades description act. It was up close, it was personal, it was hugely entertaining.

The programme mixed humour and song with sport, and the sports part of the evening was top class. Bill O’Herlihy kicked it off with a conversation involving David Wallace, who was introduced several times, with the prefix ‘sexy’ attached on each occasion, and Donal Lenihan, of this parish, who was not.

However, Wallace redressed the balance neatly by pointing out that the introductory footage the audience could see thanks to an onstage screen showed a clip of Lenihan in his 1980s pomp: headband, baggy off-green jersey, and a pair of knicks that looked both cruelly constrictive and unashamedly illustrative.

“With those shorts I think Donal should be introduced as the sexy one,” said Wallace with the air of a man happy to deflect the attention.

“I’m just glad they didn’t have to use footage that was black and white,” said the Cork Con man.

Marty Morrissey handled the hurling segment, which featured Jimmy Barry-Murphy, Brian Cody, Nicky English and jockey Davey Russell.

You might be surprised to hear that Davey’s opinions were listened to in absolute silence until you hear that he was being asked for tips for Cheltenham, and in fairness to the Youghal man he put his money where his mouth was, or put your money where his mouth was, by advocating a good double for the festival. (Details of same are obtainable for a small consideration via Twitter/email).

Marty put it straight to Cody that Kilkenny had to be in turmoil with the departure of John Dalton, Cha Fitzpatrick and so on, and Cody said yes, there was a lot of unrest in the camp, deep divisions existed, they were a team in transition . . . even an alien crowd recognised the deadpan delivery eventually though, and played along.

Best line of the hurling section probably belonged to English: Marty advised Cody to go to see ‘The All-Star Wars’, the comedy musical about hurling, because there was a gag in the show about Kilkenny winning their 1,000th All-Ireland in a row.

“Was Brian still the manager?” asked English.

There was a soccer discussion with Dunphy and Niall Quinn, and a tribute to O’Herlihy, but the Hook-Dunphy debate stole the show hands down. They entered the stage to the ‘Rocky’ theme and Hook put down an early marker by agreeing aloud with the Luis Suarez method of handshaking.

The two exchanged casual insults. “I didn’t expect to be meeting Denis O’Brien’s butler,” said Dunphy, while Hook rubbished his opponent’s claims to be familiar with Cork: “To Dunphy, Christy Ring’s a bridge.”

Given the club involved last Friday night, it was a winning line. Dunphy lost further ground by confessing his love for Cody (“Look at him up there! He’s laughing at ye!”) but recovered when moderator Tomas Mulcahy had both men address their contradictions.

Having criticised Sky in the past, Hook now endorses their products. When Mulcahy asked him how he reconciles the two positions, he simply said: “The cheque.”

Dunphy savaged the health service lately, said Mulcahy, but he endorses McDonald’s, which serves up fast food to a population suffering record obesity levels. Dunphy paused dramatically. “Well, they have the healthy option . . . ” It wasn’t all light-hearted.

Wallace revealed he’s broken his hand twice in the gym while rehabbing his cruciate injury. “Careless,” said O’Herlihy, though our initial thought was ‘someone sign up that barbell to play number seven, quick’.

English would like to return to inter-county management but would only like to do so with one county.

George Hook delivered a withering denunciation of modern rugby as “the most dangerous game on grass”, saying he wouldn’t like his grandchildren to take up the game, so savage are the collisions involved.

All in all, the crowd spilling out into the night along by the Crawford Art Gallery late on Friday evening were happy with their evening, as were the causes involved.

It was the second year of the event, and the organisers have been fielding requests for similar gigs all over the country. Little wonder.

Any event which has Dunphy and Hook exchanging the kiss of peace on stage in front of hundreds of people must be a winner. * [e-mail] Twitter: mikemoynihanex