Walking away from Bores unlimited
Bores unlimited pouring out their wisdom on their pet topics.
Surprise avails you nought. Neither does feigning death until they leave.
I refer to debates and discussions that don’t come under the heading ‘predictable’ so much as under the ‘put me down for what I said last year, only in an even less interesting way, if you can believe that’.
Every year it’s the same. Only the dramatis personae change, and that the odd time, but the bores droning on and on last forever. They can’t let their hobby-horses go.
And if you’re unlucky enough to get buttonholed by one, it seems as though they can’t let their victims go either.
Exhibit A: the All Stars.
When it comes to bores and the All Stars, your columnist has one confession to make.
I was that soldier.
Arguing loud and long about the rightness and wrongness of various decisions, pointing out logical flaws in others’ points of view, trouncing opponents by dredging up a stellar performance in the National League.
I had the problem. I just hadn’t faced up to it. And everybody knows that until you recognise you have a problem you can’t make progress.
Now I can look back and laugh. I smile because I’m post All Star. I’m beyond the power of the statuette. I eventually woke up one morning and said to myself, don’t get drawn into their games.
That’s what they want.
The term, I believe, is a moment of clarity.
Once I knew that the purpose of the All Star debate was simply to further the All Star debate I shook my head free of the fog and was able to move on.
Nowadays when people I know want to engage in discussions about defending your way to an All-Ireland or charity awards to plucky little counties who had a brief hour in the spotlight, I shake my head sadly.
‘Go sell crazy some place else,’ I nod at them. ‘We’re all stocked up here.’
Exhibit B: the end of the Munster phenomenon.
Bores who are fond of this hardy annual can be harder to handle than many of the others – largely due to timing. Everyone could dust off their set-piece performance of: ‘well, it’s been a great few years, but there’s an end comes to everything, that bandwagon is rolling to a fine stop now though . . .’
Descriptive hand gestures and eye-rolling reinforcement all optional, of course.
That once-a-year performance has to be rolled out at the appropriate time, however. Many a bore gave it an airing this week past only for it to bite him resoundingly on the fleshy areas with Munster’s big victory over Toulon on Saturday.
The downside to that particular victory, though, was the bore’s ability to produce as though from thin air a replacement hardy annual: ‘I told you Felipe Contepomi is fragile mentally, I said it all along, and was I proven right on Saturday? Was I?’ Were you what. And more luck to you!
Exhibit C: Premiership finance.
Once again autumn brings dire threats, or promises if you have a different mindset, about the impending destruction of another English top-flight club. The only difference this season is that two of the biggest brand names in the business, Manchester United and Liverpool, are in the firing line. Liverpool’s problems with their American owners, Messrs Hicks and Gillett, are known to all, while United’s tribulations with their own with the Glazer family are equally familiar. Wearyingly so, some might say.
However, not every cloud, etc. etc: little did we know a couple of years ago that bores who usually have difficulties deciphering a bank statement would have no problem outlining the implications of leveraged sell-on of debts accruing from hostile takeovers.
Nowadays everybody is a George Lee when it comes to figures thanks to the exhaustive description of the financial issues engulfing two sports clubs.
Without the huffy walk-outs.
That’s George, by the way.
Not Messers Hicks, Gillett or Glazer; few of the multi-billionaires we have known have been inclined to walk away at the sight of trouble, or boredom.
And certainly none of the bores we have known.
* Contact: michael.moynihan@examiner.ie; Twitter: MikeMoynihanEx
