Plotting your way to both semi-finals?
What if you want to see both?
Well, it can be done. The most straightforward approach is to hire a car in Toulouse and point it south: the journey time is about three and three-quarter hours, all going well.
There are no major urban areas to negotiate along the route, and if you wait until after the match crowds disperse from around the Stade Municipal in Toulouse following the first semi-final, then traffic should be light.
If you don’t fancy that option, however, your choices are a good deal more limited. For instance, Leinster-Toulouse kicks off at 4.45pm local time, which means you wouldn’t have a lot of leeway to make it to Matabiau train station in Toulouse afterwards for the 7.36pm train south, your best Saturday evening shot at getting to San Sebastian for the game the following day.
It gets better. If you make the 7.36 then less than two hours later you’d be in Bayonne in southwest France, but you’ve got to change and overnight there. That’s not the end of the world – Bayonne is a nice town with riverside cafes and is a Basque outpost, so you’d be well prepared for life in San Sebastian. (On an unrelated note, your correspondent saw the most spectacular moped crash he’s ever seen in Bayonne: the driver clipped a kerbstone and somersaulted off his vehicle before brushing himself off, climbing back aboard and zooming off unhurt).
The first train out of Bayonne the following morning for Spain leaves at 6.43am, however, and gets into Irun, just across the border, at 7.36am.
The next train you need to be on leaves Irun at 8 and arrives about quarter of an hour later in San Sebastian (which you’d want to start referring to now as ‘Donostia’, like the natives). So yes, you’re in town well before 9am for a game that begins some eight hours later.
The alternative, if you plan on taking in both matches, involves a relatively late departure from Toulouse-Matabiau at 9.58am on the morning of May 2, but it means you get to San Sebastian at 3.34pm: less than three-quarters of an hour later.
We don’t know about the chances of sheep on the line in southwest France, but you’ve got to agree that’s tight. Very tight.
The alternative is to go for the one game and abandon thoughts of bi-location. Toulouse is relatively accessible, particularly for Leinster fans flying out of Dublin, but San Sebastian isn’t. Flying Cork-Carcassonne is one option, but you face a four-and-a-half hour car journey from the French town to San Sebastian afterwards.
You can fly Dublin-Biarritz and then make the last 40k of the journey by bus, or stay within the one jurisdiction and fly to Bilbao.
The problem with flying into Bilbao isn’t distance – it’s only an hour or so on the PESA bus, hourly, to San Sebastian – but you can only fly in on the Saturday and home on the Tuesday.
Then again, it’s a bank holiday weekend: maybe you don’t see that as a problem. Bilbao certainly repays a wander around – you have the world-famous Guggenheim Museum on the banks of the river, with the Jeff Koons-designed ‘Puppy’, made completely of flowers, in front of it. You’ll enjoy that once you realise it really exists and isn’t a figment of your hangover.
Your correspondent is a fan of San Sebastian, and you will be too once you’ve landed into the Parte Vieja of the town. Work your way around the Calle de Agosto, Calle de Fermin Calbeton and Calle de Pescaderia for pintxos (tapas). Just don’t frighten the locals too much.
The pick of the litter for bars which also serve food are probably Casa Gandarias, and the world-famous Bernardo Etxea, while if you are some class of a poseur we recommend the Fuego Negro.
Don’t try getting in with a sports top on you, just be warned.
To blend in . . . if you’re questioned by someone in one of those bars about your own sporting affiliations then make sure you big up two of the local products: Mikel Arteta of Everton was born nearby while one-time Liverpool star Xavi Alonso spent much of his youth there.
If you’re asked about San Sebastian’s chances of making it as European Capital of Culture for 2016 – the city is actively canvassing for the role – try not to tell too many horror stories about Cork’s experiences of same five years ago.
As for the final itself, fixed for Paris... we’ll take bets that once you find San Sebastian you’ll want to go back and watch the final from there. It’s that good.
