Brendan Courtney: To a 14-year-old battling hate — your story will help bring change

'Be angry for now, you will be afraid for a while, but then take that anger and fear and channel it for good, channel it for tolerance, tell your story everywhere and often'

Cork Pride in full flight: Pride sends a message of love, tolerance, and kindness. It has never been more important for people to show their support and join the march. Picture: Cathal Noonan

Dear hero.

Things will get better. Or so they say.

They might, if you learn to hide in clear sight, if you learn to hide who you truly are, if you learn to conform and live under the veil of their hate.

I don’t know your story, I don’t know if you are “out”, or if you even identify as gay, or maybe you simply present as “different”.

But after hearing what has happened to you, I feel compelled to write “things are NOT getting better”.

I have always envied people who make it through school “in the closet” because they can “cover”, they can conform.

They fit in, and while that comes with its own anguish and internal pain, they have no idea what you are going through.

I understand your pain, I have been where you are, I had nowhere to hide.

I was an obviously “gay kid”. I was different and I simply couldn’t hide who I was, and believe me I tried, I tried with all my heart to hide, for all of my early years.

I would have given anything to just fit in, but, you see, some of us just can’t hide who we truly are, it’s simply impossible.

I was a camp fey kid who, until I was nine, was often mistaken for a girl. It was sickeningly upsetting for one so young to feel so othered.

I tried everything to “cover”, all attempts failed, and I paid the price.

I used to refer to this as being 'bullied', but it was more than that, it was torture.

I was beaten and punched in school, I regularly had my head held down a toilet and flushed while onlookers jeered and laughed, I was humiliated daily.

I was riddled with shame and I was 14, the same age as you. My heart breaks for you.

So what did I do? Well, I took matters into my own hands and just stopped going to school.

I would pretend to leave for school in the morning and then hide out in various locations for the day.

I often think back and feel enormous pride in myself for finding the strength to do that, to not let them break me.

I had realised that I needed to run for my own safety.

Eventually, on day 20, the school contacted my mother and it all came out.

I was taken out of that school and life did improve, but I had to reinvent myself.

I only think of those bullies when I write letters like this. They hold nothing over me now, I feel sorry for them.

And so off I went into my adult life and became a TV presenter and a fashion designer. Look at me go!

I started working on TV in 1999, and held the (impossible to confirm) unprecedented title of Ireland’s first openly gay TV presenter. Nothing could stop me.

Until one Friday night in 2014, when I was walking down George’s St in Dublin 2, with friends.

A group of youths ran into the middle of our group, shouted “faggot” and punched me hard in the face, knocking me to the ground.

But this time I wasn’t humiliated, this time I didn’t feel shame.

This time, I was fucking angry.

I took that anger and channelled it into the 2015 referendum on marriage equality and along with all the other people who spoke their truths, we won. Love won.

I have never met you but I want you to know on this battlefield, I love you.

I am so desperately sorry this hideous attack has happened to you.

This will change your life, but it will not define you. It defines them, it’s up to you now how you deal with it.

Be angry for now, you will be afraid for a while, but then take that anger and the fear and channel it for good, channel it for tolerance, tell your story everywhere and often.

Because your story is now a huge part of how things change.

Brendan Courtney: 'At the age of 14, I was riddled with shame'

I’m so sorry your young life has now become a part of this awful battle — but know you are loved and supported.

This too will pass, but things are not OK.

Finally, I want to say to everyone, please march on your local Pride for this beautiful 14-year-old — and for all our children — who deserves our love, respect, and protection.

Pride sends a message of love, tolerance, and kindness.

It has never been more important to march with us on Pride, we need you.