Denise Charlton: Time for grown-up conversation on consent
We consider consent to be an ethical foundation of honest, equal and respectful relationships. File picture
The new ‘We-Consent’ campaign is the moment when Ireland finally has a long overdue grown-up conversation. An essential one if we are to achieve our shared goal of ending sexual and gender-based violence for good.
It is a discussion that must take place in every community, classroom, workplace, canteen, club and most importantly in every home in the country. All sexual genders, sexual preferences and all age groups need to be involved.
‘We-Consent’, a national campaign being rolled out from today by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre in partnership with Government and Community Foundation Ireland, will prompt discussions which parents, teachers and even friends have been putting on the long finger. Sometimes because of the complexity of the issue but more often because of misplaced embarrassment or even shame.
That reluctance, lack of knowledge and silence not only acts as a barrier to increasing awareness but also creates a knowledge void. Too often this void is filled by bad actors promoting and glamourising exploitation, abuse and even violence as part of the multi-billion-euro commercial sex trade.
Whether in porn, prostitution or the online escort websites it is women and girls who are disproportionately exploited, abused and subjected to violence, simulated or otherwise. That is what happens when we don’t discuss consent.
Pimps, traffickers and thugs should never replace teachers or parents when it comes to sex education. When we hand over that responsibility to those who profit from exploitation then we are opening the door for untold damage and harm to countless lives into the future.
This campaign is timely. We have reached a point where a number of key facts are known — not least the knowledge that the vast majority of Irish people want a better understanding of what is meant by consent.
The spike in domestic violence reports during the covid-19 pandemic and its related lockdowns have been well documented. The true level of people living in dangerous and violent homes has been laid bare for all to see.
If we want to stop children witnessing their mother being given a black eye, held in a choke hold, punched or stabbed then a good way to start is to promote consent.
We also have the Government commitment in Zero Tolerance, the national plan to end sexual violence, to introduce consent in all educational curricula. Turning that commitment into reality must be a priority.
But most importantly of all we have the evidence. The public thirst for knowledge is there. People, men and women, boys and girls want to know what is meant by consent, they want to have this conversation, they want to be part of the awareness raising.
We know this because of the ground-breaking research published by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre in 2021 and which was made possible by donors to Community Foundation Ireland.
The findings speak for themselves. Seven out of 10 people believe Ireland has a problem with consent, yet most of us grapple to understand or explain what consent means. There is also a basic lack of understanding that consent can be withdrawn as well as given.
Hugely encouraging is a thirst to know more and that 84% of people approve of age-appropriate sex education at school. So, it is clear while there is high acceptance and recognition that we need to do more, there is also a very significant knowledge gap.
We-Consent is a well thought out campaign. It represents a coalition of a major frontline support service and advocate in the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, public support through the Government and then that philanthropic partnership with the Community Foundation and its donors.
Each brings a different perspective and a different lens. Together we are delivering a campaign with a long-term commitment and a mission to inform, educate and engage everyone.
Jointly we consider consent to be an ethical foundation of honest, equal and respectful relationships. It is a voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity in a relationship with equal power.
It can be verbal or non-verbal, but it should be given freely by individuals capable of consenting. This means participants should be over the legal age of consent (17 years), not incapable because of the effects of drugs or alcohol, and not asleep or unconscious.
Consent should never be assumed, it should be a clear, ongoing and continuous process in every new and repeated sexual encounter.
I welcome the new campaign firstly, and most importantly as a parent. There are many more across the country who I am sure look forward to finding out more and being supported to having chats and discussions which they might otherwise find difficult.
Of course, I also welcome it on behalf of the Community Foundation, its donors and the 5,000 community partners who share our equality mission.
The phrase ‘starting a national conversation’ is often over-used, but today I do hope we are truly at such a moment and that one of the most important conversations of all will now begin.
- Denise Charlton is Chief Executive of Community Foundation Ireland which since the year 2000 has provided over €110 million in grants to communities.
