Alexandra Matzota: In Ukraine, we’re terrified and the West’s rash strategy isn’t helping
People take pictures as they carry a giant national flag of Ukraine at a stadium to mark a 'Day of Unity' in Kyiv. Picture: Getty Images
As a child growing up in Ukraine, every time I blew out the candles on my birthday cake I made a wish that there would be no war in the world. Now the war is at my door.
For almost eight years we have been hearing about the dead at the war front in Donbas, seeing the tears of people who lost their families and homes, and who had to start again from scratch. In January, I was visiting friends in the UK, and reading the latest news stories about Russian troops building up on the border.
I always try to be sceptical about these stories, because I believe this is Vladimir Putin’s way of destabilising the situation in our country, rather than any real attempt to start a war. But this time, my mother told me that Ukrainians were getting scared, and she asked me not to come back for a while. It felt like a turning point. As a freelancer I can live wherever I want and usually I spend a lot of time abroad. But due to the growing tension, I returned to Kyiv so I could be with my family.
Even in the month since, the tension has increased significantly.
However, there isn’t panic on the streets and you won’t see empty supermarket shelves. Even now, we have full shelves with all the essential products. Restaurants and malls are full of people living their lives seemingly as normal. But anxiety haunts us all the time.
Like many others, I have bought about a month’s supply of food — cans, cereals, pasta, water, and other nonperishables. At the beginning of the month, I bought a woodburning stove in case of power or gas cuts, and 20 litres of fuel for my generator. For my pets, I ordered food two months in advance, as well as extra in case neighbours start leaving and abandoning their animals.
I do believe foreign leaders beyond President Putin deserve some of the blame for what is happening. President Biden started a game of ping-pong with Putin — they are like two barking dogs trying to show each other who is better, and we are stuck in the middle. The support of foreign partners is very important to Ukraine, but at the moment it is also important to choose your words carefully. Every Ukrainian is affected by statements by foreign politicians about an “inevitable” Russian attack. No matter how much we tell ourselves that everything is fine, you can’t remain calm when 10 times a day you see statements about an imminent attack or intelligence about potential invasion dates that change daily. People joke that it’s time to publish a schedule of attacks for the whole of 2022 so that we can plan our lives around them.
It’s great that instructors from the UK, Canada and the US have come to train our military. In this I see our salvation. We must develop our own independent, strong army in order to reclaim our territory, and leave talk of joining Nato to one side from now.
Of course, what worries us most is Putin himself and his behaviour at meetings with leaders of other countries. It seems to me that he is enjoying all the headlines, and the pleas for him to stop. We are used to disruption and a certain level of tension. When in 2018 one of my work events was moved from Kharkiv to Kyiv due to the introduction of martial law, we were barely concerned. After the military shot at protesters during the Maidan revolution in 2014, there was an endless feeling of pain for every person who died there and their families. But there was no fear.
But now when I wake up at night, I check the news to see if we have been attacked.
Even as I try to be sceptical and keep a level head, the stress and fear persists. Every Ukrainian is facing a lot right now. But we are more united than ever.
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