Philip O'Connor: The best thing we can do to keep women safe is be better men

Women get attacked because men attack them. They get attacked because we – men – don’t say to each other that this is not OK.

Maja and Philip in their Brazilian jiu jitsu class. If those classes give women a better sense of security and stop them freezing at the moment of attack, then that’s fine by me. But the best thing I can do to make the world safer for them is removing men's misogynistic language and attitudes.

The first time I wrestled with Maja she was 14 and fearless, which is no mean feat given that I was about three times her age and almost twice her weight.

As I tried to hold her down on her back during our Brazilian jiu jitsu class, she worked methodically, not put off by my bearded face and the closeness of my breathing. There was no fear. I was a puzzle to be solved, and shortly afterwards she had locked both my arms at the elbow joints and I tapped in submission.