Dad’s coming home

CHRISTMAS is just five days away and for most this means the arrival of Santa.

But for an increasing number of families around the country, this also means the return of the main bread-winner who is working abroad.

Huge numbers of people have emigrated during the economic down turn, while others have compromised by commuting between their overseas job and their Irish home.

We spoke with three fathers who are living apart from their families and find out why the festive season is so hugely important to them.

We also hear from their partners about coping on their own and what it means to have their menfolk back in the heart of the family.

Saying goodbye to family was “toughest day of my life”

Private Stephen Happe is 23 and has four children — Dion, six, Corey, four, Callum, two, and Carly, one, with his partner Linda Midleton. He has been in the Defence Forces for three years and is serving with the 105 Infantry Battalion in the Lebanon.

“This is my first mission overseas — when I said goodbye to Linda and our four beautiful children in November, it was the toughest day of my life,” says the Kilkenny man.

“My family will always remain my priority, but serving overseas, representing the people of Ireland and helping to bring peace and stability to this troubled sector of the Middle East, remind me of that decision I made when I joined the Defence Forces. It feels strange being so far from home in a land that is familiar, but at the same time unfamiliar, to the Irish people.

“It feels strange not having my family around all the time, hearing the children playing around the house. But the Defence Forces has provided us with internet access so I can see them via Skype most nights when I am not on patrol.

“I know my family will be fine because my mother and sister help out a lot and it wasn’t lost on me that Linda had extra responsibility as I boarded my flight for south Lebanon. I am very grateful and humble for all the support I have received from home.”

He is looking forward to seeing his family for a few days of the festive period. “I am extremely lucky to be coming home for a short period over Christmas,” he says. “I am due to arrive in Dublin Airport on December 22 and I really cannot wait to give all my family a huge hug. It will be fantastic to see Linda and the children’s faces on Christmas morning after Santa has visited and then I will be looking forward to the dinner. But my other family, who will be operating in south Lebanon, will be close to my mind and I wish them all and their families a safe Christmas.”

Linda has missed her partner and is looking forward to time with him. “It gets very lonely in the nights when Stephen isn’t around,” she says. “And I miss having him to help me with the kids and doing things together.”

“I miss not being there for Orla and supporting her”

Marcus Griffin is the global HR manager for a travel company based in Switzerland. His wife Orla and three children Muireann, 10, Pierce, nine and Una, six, live in Clare.

“I have been working in Basel for three years and I honestly don’t know how long I will be working overseas as, financially, Switzerland is probably the best place to be in Europe right now,” he says. “But although I really enjoy my job, I do find it hard missing out on important events such as birthdays, school projects and all the activities the kids are involved in. I also miss not being there for Orla and supporting her, both in the home duties and allowing her to catch up socially — I’m constantly amazed at how good she is at juggling all these responsibilities.

“When I’m away, I work longer hours but I do find time to socialise with my colleagues. I’m never stuck for things to do here, but I really miss the simple things from home — like the smell of an open turf fire, spending time with my family and helping out around the house,” the 41-year-old says.

“I can’t wait to spend time with my wife and children and catch up with our friends and I hope that Santa will bring a nice weekend away for Orla and I — which will allow us the opportunity to catch up one-to-one,” he says.

Orla sees Christmas as a time to recharge her batteries and catch up with Marcus. “The most difficult part of Marcus being away is having total responsibility for the family,” she says. “I also miss adult company and it is difficult to attend local events, such as parent association meetings, as this involves getting a babysitter.”

“I’m really looking forward to seeing the family”

Joseph Gregory is from Arklow. He is married to Siobhán and they have two daughters, Erin, 11, and Tara, nine. His working life is spent in Germany.

“I work in Dusseldorf as a department manager for a Japanese company, selling industrial products across Europe,” he says. “I have been in this role for six years and it has unfortunately become a way of life for me. Having no family here, means I spend the whole week focusing on work — travelling within Europe or to Japan and frequently staying late in the office.

“The key for me is getting back to Ireland as often as possible — without this I would be lost. Being at home is where I reset myself and feel part of a family again.”

Joseph, 44, tries to get home every weekend but makes a point of ringing his wife and emailing or Skyping the kids on a daily basis. But he still feels like he is missing out on the important milestones in his daughters’ lives.

“I call home every day to talk about the daily events with Siobhán,” he says. “But I do miss out on the little incidents — teeth falling out, accidents, and funny things that happen during the day. I have also missed too many ballet shows and dramatic performances — so basically I miss seeing them grow up.

“My current financial situation is okay, but I will have to keep at it for now until things improve in Ireland — whenever that might be. Worst case scenario would be packing up altogether — but that’s an option of last resort.”

With Christmas approaching, his focus in on family and friends as he prepares to head home for the holidays.

“I’m really looking forward to seeing the family, getting some rest and having a couple of pints of Guinness. I’m not too fussed about food as the traditional Christmas meal is a bit heavy and sweet for me, but I’m sure my wife will be looking forward to me doing some cooking for a change,” he laughs.

Siobhán is also looking forward to having her husband around for a fortnight.

“I do miss having someone to share the day-to-day responsibility of parenting the children. When Joe comes home he’s the fun parent and I’m the ‘mean mummy’ as I’m always the one in charge,” she says.

“And, of course, it will be great for us to be together for two weeks so Joe has time to adjust to family life and we can have a laugh together and drink a few glasses of bubbly while the girls are happily playing with their new toys.”