Fergus Finlay: I read a letter from a public servant to a parent. I can't remember the last time I was so shocked

I’ve met many parents who struggled, for all sorts of reasons, to be the parent they wanted to be. But I've never met one who benefited from a lecture from a civil servant

Tony Murray, with his wife Susan and their 42-year-old daughter Aoife who has an intellectual disability. Tony has set up Before We Die, an organisation aimed at changing the system so a plan is in place for care to be provided for people whose parents are aging and may soon not be in a position to continue to care for them. Picture: Moya Nolan

I read a letter yesterday, from a public servant to a parent. I cannot remember the last time I was so shocked by a letter of that sort — and I’ve seen a lot of them in my time. 

The public servant is a manager in the provision of disability services in a certain part of Ireland. The parent is the mother of an adult daughter with an intellectual disability and a range of behavioural issues. The letter was the system’s way of saying no to the mother.