Jennifer Horgan: Bereaved families want to discuss domestic homicide — we owe it to them to talk about it
The coffins of murder victims Vanessa Whyte and her children Sara and James Rutledge are carried from St Mary's Church in Maguiresbridge, Co Fermanagh, following a service of removal on Wednesday. Picture: Liam McBurney/PA
We don’t know what happened in Fermanagh — not exactly. We know only the basic facts: Another woman, Vanessa Whyte, and her two children, James and Sara Rutledge, have been killed in their home on this island.
The suspected killer, their husband and father Ian Rutledge, died days later — all four dying from gunshot wounds.
It is now being referred to as a suspected triple murder and suicide. Vanessa Whyte was in her 40s; James was 14 and Sara was 13.
In the hours and days after the shooting, we were all warned — with a fervour reserved for such crimes — not to speculate.
We all know that if these horrendous deaths had occurred on a city street, the word "evil" would have already made it to print. No sensitivity would have been shown to the family of the suspected perpetrator.
When it happens in a home we respond differently — with a sinister meekness, tiptoeing around the grounds of the property and the event, respectful of the privacy of the family, the loss of life inside.
This distorted restraint in public discourse allows us to pretend that events like these happen very, very rarely. In truth, they are disturbingly regular.
This month, 53-year-old Stephen Mooney, of Kilbarrack Rd, Dublin, was jailed for the murder of his wife Anna, 43, at their home on June 15, 2023.
Days ago, 34-year-old Keith Byrne was jailed for 15 years for the brutal murder of his Irish girlfriend Kirsty Ward at their Spanish holiday hotel room.
The parents of Kirsty Ward, who was found lying in a corridor by staff, have shared their pain at the sentence given to their daughter’s killer.
Jason Poole, whose sister Jennifer Poole was murdered by her former partner Gavin Murphy in April 2021, hopes to have a law named after his sister introduced next year. The legislation will mean people found guilty of domestic violence offences will go on a register to protect future victims.
Another bereaved brother is fighting a different but related battle. David French, the sibling of murdered West Cork woman Valerie French Kilroy says a "loophole in child safety in Ireland" permits those who kill their partners or ex-partners to retain guardianship of their shared children.
He has been courageously vocal in his battle explaining the extent of his devastation, saying: "My sisters and I have been consumed by this since the murder and there is no end in sight. We have lost someone who was a continual source of joy and loving consideration.
"Crimes like this have a ripple effect on relationships, employment, and health. Our children have been deeply traumatised by the sudden loss of their beloved Aunt Valerie, and haunted by thoughts of the killer who we welcomed into our family and as a guest in our homes."
Similarly, Clodagh Hawe’s mother and sister fought relentlessly to have her body, and the bodies of her children, removed from the same grave as their killer.
Courageously, they voice their pain and devastation; they confront what needs to be confronted, blasting through our bizarre reverence in response to these most horrendous crimes.
So, how can we help them and future victims in how we discuss domestic violence?
More needs to be done to manage the reporting of these crimes. Spokespeople and representatives, in particular, need a briefing in how to respond. As it is, they are permitted to say they are in "shock". Every time it is said, again, that they simply can’t believe that something so horrific and out of the ordinary has taken place.
Again and again, an emphasis is placed on how "close-knit" the community was, how peaceful, how homely.
No matter how high the number of instances go, this is all part of a blanket refusal to except that domestic violence is at epidemic levels in Ireland.
The truth is that nobody has a right to say they are shocked anymore — especially not officials interviewed after these events.
Our doubt, our disbelief, lets violence in. Domestic violence, like all violence, flourishes in ignorance and silence.
Former DUP leader Arlene Foster said of this latest shooting in a home in Fermanagh was “just absolutely devastating” and the “last thing” you expect to hear from a place she described as “a very sleepy little village in Fermanagh”.
We don’t know the details yet, we can’t know them, but the instant refusal to believe such awfulness can occur anywhere is simply unacceptable.
The longer we talk about how an otherwise perfect little village is stunned, the longer this famine of neighbourhood awareness, this tsunami of denial, is likely to continue.
Back in June, Women’s Aid confirmed that 180 women have been killed in their own homes (63% of femicide) since 1996. Some 87% of women (where the case has been resolved) were killed by a man known to them.
In almost all murder-suicide cases (23 out of 24), the killer was the woman’s current or former intimate partner. Some 20 children have died during incidents where women have died violently.
Domestic violence is pervasive in Ireland. Every time a woman or her children are killed in their home, we should recall the last crime and the one before that. Yes, this will a painful reminder to many, but bereaved families want the discussion. They are leading the discussion. It’s the rest of us who are the problem.
Other damaging framing devices are used too — including the concentration on nature throughout any visual reporting. A camera sweeps across a forest or zooms in on a babbling brook. In print media, an article starts with the description of rolling hills and grazing animals. Presumably, such exposition is used to suggest that the violence about to be reported is against nature in some way.
The sad truth is that domestic violence is very much in the nature of people — and in the nature of men most particularly. It is not a freakishly uncommon act; it happens everywhere, all the time.
Then there is the focus on what a normal family they appeared to be. Why? It is as if to suggest that there is a defining characteristic belonging solely to people who are destined to die in their home.
And why the focus on the size of the village or the town or its geographical location? Might a certain size of town should preclude us from these events? These things only happen in the big cities, right? Those dens of iniquity that carry a faulty moral compass.
Ireland needs to wake up to itself.
In 2024, Women’s Aid heard 46,765 disclosures of abuse — including 41,432 disclosures of abuse against women and 5,333 disclosures of abuse against children.
One in four women in Ireland experienced sexual violence as an adult with a partner.
An Garda Síochána responded to over 65,000 domestic abuse incidents in 2024, which translates to an average of 1,250 incidents every week.
The word "tragedy" is also used incorrectly by sources following the worst examples of domestic violence, those ending in death.
What is a tragedy? What makes something tragic? Really, it means a sad death. A far more appropriate word here is an "atrocity". It is an atrocity that has happened — a cruel and violent act.
How we respond to domestic violence matters. Killers and rapists are not afforded immediate deference and respect when they strike randomly on our streets. People who strike in their own home are no different.
The act is the same. The results are the same. Denial, deference, and shock are simply not good enough anymore — from anyone.
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