Colin Sheridan: My fake phone call advice for Leonardo DiCaprio

Many people on social media were unhappy with Dicaprio's answering a phone call and ignoring a group of resort staffers waiting for him in the lobby, preparing to do a native song and dance in his honour, but I sympathise, writes Colin Sheridan

I never foresaw Leonardo DiCaprio being a trigger for anything positive in my life, but we live in strange times. File photo: Jordan Strauss/AP Content Services for Conrad N. Hilton Foundation

I am going to go out on a limb and say that no person who has ever lived has pretend-spoken on a mobile telephone more than me. 

I’ve done it in every conceivable social situation. Airports. The school gate (staple). In a restaurant. Just this morning, walking through an inoffensive college campus. I’ve spoken out loud (to nobody) with great authority on subjects that are of no consequence to my life.