I skipped most of my Leaving Cert year and I still got into university

My sister claims I screamed for the first six months of my life, without ever drawing breath. I don’t want to boast, but, apparently, I could scream like James Galway could play the flute; on in-breaths and out-breaths alike, with a volume so impressive, the neighbourhood hated me.

I still think it was as a punishment for the screaming that they sent me to school, which I hated with a great, unyielding passion after high babies. Children today don’t seem to hate school, but children today are more easily codded.