How not to nail a date with me in ladyland

Suzanne Harrington talks about some of the new safety tacticts making the rounds in the world of dating, including asking for ’Angela’ and rape alarms.

Doing that chatty email thing before a first date recently, the man I am about to meet in town for a casual drink sends a list of things I should do in advance to protect myself from him. Show someone my photo, he suggests, tell them when and where you’re meeting me, and what time you’ll be finished.

Wow, I think. What a turn on. And if you feel unsafe when we are actually together, you can always go to the bar and ask for Angela, he adds. Angela? Is he planning a menage-a-trois in the snug of the Frog & Trumpet? Who’s Angela?

It’s the safe word you say to bar staff if you’re on a dodgy date, he smiles, as we sat down in the pub to cross examine each other about potential compatibility. It all feels a bit administrative.

It’s not that romance is dead, it’s just that before you get to the fun bit, you have to fill in a form, tick boxes, do cross referencing. And occasionally suck up some preposterous mansplaining on date safety.

I’m not a psycho, obviously, my date reassures me, but you never know who you are going to meet. You must stay safe. Um, great, I say. I know this man is trying super hard to be on-message and feminist, but I am still tempted to scream “Angela! Angela!” at the bored millennial behind the bar to see what happens.

To see how the date reacts under pressure. It’d be more fun than setting off the fire alarm, and a good indicator of whether to meet again.

The Ask for Angela scheme is now joined by something similar in bars in Florida — the angel shot. Ask for it straight up and the bar staff will walk you to your car, with ice means they’ll call a taxi for you, or if you ask for it with lime, they’ll call the cops.

This idea sits alongside others like the nail polish, which changes colour if dipped in a drink that’s been spiked with anything rapey. You dunk your finger in your drink and hope your date has not adulterated it. What a beautiful world we live in.

What sucks about these initiatives — apart from the fact that they exist — is the focus on discretion. It’s all about not making a fuss. A quiet word with bar staff, after swilling your finger in your drink. Let’s not embarrass anyone.

Let’s keep it low key. Discreet. God forbid we’d want to kick off in a public place if we are not interested in a second drink, spiked or otherwise; heaven forefend telling a date, in a clear voice, thanks, but no thanks. Instead we sneak to the bar and whisper a made-up name, lest any potential bruised ego volatility is unleashed.

Meanwhile, although she is far more interested in Instagram than dating, someone gave my teenage daughter a heart-shaped rape alarm for Christmas. How lovely. Welcome to ladyland.