"That Girlfriend has put an end to all that ghastly online dating your poor sister had to do", says my mother.

Home, 11.30am. Tomorrow, my sister flies in from London to celebrate my birthday with me, accompanied by her new girlfriend whom I’ll be meeting for the first time.

So far, family opinion on Girlfriend remains absolutely undivided, coming as it does from my mother, who’s the only family member to have met her yet: Girlfriend is delightful. Girlfriend is completely wholesome.

There’s nothing unwholesome about Girlfriend at all. Girlfriend is immediately likeable.