Medical jargon is just the tonic to help the medicine go down

MY NAME is Terry and I am a medical groupie. 

There. I’ve said it. No shameful secrets left. Nothing more to do than define one’s terms. A medical groupie is someone insufficiently intelligent to get into medical school who nevertheless retains an obsessive interest in every aspect of health and illness. A medical groupie loves hanging around doctors and using medical jargon; show me a collapsed lung and I’ll raise you a pneumothorax.

Medical groupies like me ask all the right questions when a friend calls to say they, their child, or their parent is unwell: When did you first notice? What colour was it? Any fever involved? Nausea? Sleeplessness? We groupies congratulate ourselves when the friend comes back and confirms that our guess as to the diagnosis turned out to be correct. We stroke our chins at that point and wonder aloud whether the treatment will be keyhole surgery or administration of a specific medicine. We can quote the statistics of survival for almost any ailment, post-treatment.