Enda the new boot boy of politics

For so long such a sorry bunch of ministers, the Cabinet has now decided apology time is over, as Enda Kenny revealed himself to be the new boot-boy of Irish politics by going on the offensive.

Unfortunately for Fine Gael, that meant him being offensive to women voters, as he announced a key indicator of economic growth would be your ability to buy boots for your girlfriend.

Relaunching the relaunch of the last Government relaunch, Mr Kenny declared that jobs were important because: “That means getting on the employment ladder, being able to buy the car, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, buy the boots, or whatever. Live a life, as it were.”

Yes, live life as it were in the 1950s, Mr Kenny presumably meant.

“So, it’s the excitement of that and that’s the challenge of politics now, to make it actually become realistic so that we can see these spread throughout the country, from Buncrana right down to all over the place,” he trilled, which must have been especially good news for the people of Buncrana and those citizens of “right down to all over the place”.

Yes, Mr Kenny is back front and centre after weeks away from the cameras, and that absence, coincidentally, saw a mild boost in his party’s poll showing, though the rise remains largely within the margin of error.

The first major opinion poll of the year saw Gerry Adams going down, which may have been the reason he decided to stand up during leaders questions and, most unusually, walk across the floor to give Mr Kenny documents on health service failings after complaining about the hospital trolley crisis.

Fianna Fáil wag Timmy Dooley heckled that he thought Mr Kenny was about to end up on one of those trolleys as Mr Adams headed over to the Taoiseach.

Ever the gentleman, Mr Kenny merely seized the Sinn Féin leader’s hand and gave it a hearty shake.

Clearly annoyed, Mr Adams accused the Taoiseach of making “personal attacks” on him. Who knew that the man, who was of course never on the IRA army council, was so thin skinned? And surely its pertinent, not personal, to point out that while decrying the suffering of people forced on to waiting lists, Mr Adams did not share their pain when he jetted to the US for his own private health care.

Flaying around under the weight of his failure to live up to those election-time posters on which he pledged to end trolley misery and degradation, Mr Kenny weakly observed that hospitals were now “not as safe as they ought to be”.

You think, Enda? Really?

The Taoiseach then insisted it was not just about money, but also management, which must have made uncomfortable listening for Health Minister Leo Varadkar sitting next to him.

But, fear not, because the looming boots boom is set to lift us all out of the mire, which is presumably why one senior Cabinet Minister used the Fine Gael “mini think-in” to declare, in reference to the Government: “We’re done apologising.”

Perhaps it would have been more realistic to just say: “We’re done.”