I’m fed up with complaints about public breastfeeding

YOU won’t be getting anything Christmassy out of me this week, because I’m nonplussed by the news that feeding your baby and having a wee are one and the same. 

There I was, warming up the keyboard to bang on about baubles and seasonal piffle, when my sense of human anatomy was turned upside down. Literally.

Did you know that breastfeeding is the same as urinating? Because it is. Jeremy Clarkson said so in a tabloid newspaper, so it must be true. I had no idea. For years, I’ve been labouring under the misapprehension that lactation was the female body producing a nutritious substance to feed babies and urination was what people did up against the wall in town centres after seven pints of Stella and a few Jaegerbombs.