Chapter and Verse on the perils of news books

THE film director John Waters – Baltimore’s beloved Pope of Trash, with his pencil thin moustache and fine eye for comedic sleaze – is a massive bibliophile.

His stand-out dating advice is that if you go back to someone’s house and they have no books you might want to consider your options. (What he actually says is ‘don’t fcuk them’, but I was being polite). He also says that the greatest luxury of success is, for him, being able to go into any book shop, and buy any book without having to look at the price tag. Forget your yachts, your cars, your gold plated golf clubs – for the genuine billionaire, happiness is a warm book.

I like this idea so much that I recently got a job in a book shop, where the long hours and terrible pay would be balanced out by sitting in a cave of books, all available at a hefty staff discount. I lasted four hours. The experience left me filled with new love for my long-term job – this one, where books are also part of the deal.