St Patrick’s Day needs to get sober and get real

REGULAR readers may have noticed that last week’s column, which fell on March 17, contained no mention of the day in question.

This was not an administrative oversight — so why mention it now, a week later than that date in March so universally associated with Irishness? Well, it’s a bit like talking about January detoxes when you are face down in the brandy butter on December 25. It’s a bit like trying to reason with a drunk.

Not you. God, no. Not you or any individual. No, it is the institution of St Patrick’s Day itself which needs to go to rehab. It needs to stop being pimped out by giant drinks’ companies, like some hapless, legless reveller collapsed in a town centre fountain, giant green joke hat askew. Is this what it means to be Irish?