How I predict an astronomical year ahead

This column was flummoxed last week when a package arrived all the way from 2014.

Contained therein was one crystal ball, complete with instructions on its operation. There followed two days of a magical mystery tour into the future, and from said journey the contours of the coming year were divined. What follows, dear reader, is that which is normally termed predictions, but in this case you can take it as a sure thing.

The year will barely be a wet week old when Colm Keaveney will drop his bombshell. He will take to the plinth in Leinster House and declare that he is in dispute with his conscience over continued membership of Fianna Fáil.