In reality, I’m not a secret millionaire, potential president or GAA celebrity

BEING topical without talking about the presidency or the economy requires me to let you know that I was invited to be a Secret Millionaire.

I was sworn to secrecy at the time, but now that the series is actually on air, I figure it’s safe to put on record that I could’ve been a contender. I could’ve been famous for my informed altruism, admired by all for my modest ways, untainted by vast wealth.

The woman who called me worked up to it nicely. Had I seen the programme? No, but I knew what it was about. English, wasn’t it? Well, this was going to follow the same pattern, but in Ireland. Would I consider being one of the millionaires, she asked. Laugh? I almost cried. When a letter has just arrived from the bank, inviting you to a meeting to review your loan, you’re not in a great position to hand over cash to community groups, however worthy.