How Lisbon Treaty can light up your life without firing the imagination

IF YOU’RE going to set fire to your house, you shouldn’t do it in the middle of the Manchester United v Blackburn match. Trust me on this. I did it, this weekend. And I blame Dick Roche.

It was, in fact, the second house I’d set fire to in one week, thereby inviting a re-write of Wilde: To burn one house may be regarded as a misfortune. To burn two looks like arson…

The first house to which I set fire is occupied by my mother. It boasts a snazzy gas cooker with an eye-level grill.