Miscarriage: no expert help to get over the grief, isolation and loneliness
Between November 24, 2002, and April 21, ‘05 I had four miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy.
Unlike the couple mentioned in your feature, we found the doctors and nurses we dealt with to be supportive — apart from one doctor who told me “it’s just one of those things; you just have to get on with it”.
It was Christmas eve and I had just had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy.
However, the feelings of trauma, grief, pain and emptiness we experienced were identical to those experienced by the couple quoted in your feature and thousands of other couples. The feeling after a miscarriage is of overwhelming grief coupled with isolation and loneliness. There is so little support for women and their partners in these circumstances while everywhere you turn there are ads on how to cope with unwanted/unplanned pregnancies.
What about all the very much wanted pregnancies? Who do we go to for advice or help? The hospitals give you a little booklet on how to cope with miscarriage, but once you walk out the door with your little white box in your hands holding your little foetus, that’s it.
In my experience there is no follow-up from the hospitals, public health nurses, etc. You just have to find your own way of dealing with it. And there is so much to be dealt with — the effect on your relationship with your partner and those around you; the anger you feel when you see pregnant women smoking or drinking; the lengths you will go to find answers to your recurrent miscarriages, and so on.
My husband and I are very lucky. We have a little boy who will be six next week, but the fact that he is unlikely to have a brother or sister is a source of great sadness to us. It is exactly two years since I had my last miscarriage and I’m sure our families and friends think we’ve moved on, but the grief and feeling of loss are with us constantly.
Niamh O’Connell
Main Street
Kinsale
Co Cork
CONNECT WITH US TODAY
Be the first to know the latest news and updates
