Saddam just can't cut it against Bertie in mass destruction stakes

IT was no coincidence that on the day Fianna Fáil began their two-day sit-in in Killarney Saddam Hussein offered to allow the UN weapons inspectors back into Iraq unconditionally.

He knew that by comparison with the Soldiers of Destiny, he was in the little league when it came to weapons of mass destruction.

In fairness to Saddam, we have only the rampant paranoia of George W. Bush, egged on by the husband of a leading English barrister, insinuating that he has some of the components for building a do-it- yourself nuclear bomb stashed away in a lock-up garage in some alleyway in Baghdad. On the other hand, we know that Fianna Fáil used a devastating weapon in this country a few weeks ago and the fall-out is going to continue interminably.

It's called an election manifesto.

As sincere as American foreign policy, it's better than a UN resolution and adds up like an Andersons' audit.

In other words, you can depend on it as you would depend on the CIA telling you where Osama bin Laden was last seen.

Having been dropped on the country just over four months ago, the effects of the manifesto have spread through the health and education systems with deadly effect and nobody knows where it's going to stop.

With the demolition of Bertie's dream of a National Stadium, reportedly at the hands of the Progressive Democrats, a conspiracy theory I don't entirely buy, some of the backbenchers in his party got notions of grandeur.

Rather embarrassed at the fact that they had to learn of the various cutbacks in the newspapers or from radio or television, they got a bit strappy before the outing to Killarney.

That was called specifically for the sole intention of indoctrinating TDs and senators with the urgency of winning the referendum on the Nice treaty, and so save Bertie Ahern from another embarrassing defeat which at the moment is staring him straight in the face.

Because, like the rest of us, the backbenchers and senators were kept in the dark about health and education cuts which would hit only those who could least afford to be hit by them, there were mutterings some even publicly that Bertie and Charlie McCreevy would have to answer to them.

Killarney would be the venue where the backbone of Fianna Fáil would stand up and be counted on behalf of all those suffering from the manifesto fall-out. There were, we were assured, dissidents in the ranks of the Soldiers of Destiny who would hold the leadership to account.

In the end, they could have been at a Paul Goldin gig.

After two short hours of a double-act by Ahern and McCreevy, they were mesmerised into believing that the cutbacks were the best thing that ever happened to their whingeing constituents.

And as for standing up and being counted, they were reminded that there were 68 Fianna Fáil TDs when Bertie took over, and there are now 81. They understand that kind of counting.

What about being kept in the dark about all the cutbacks? Yes, they were, but that was down to a change in the Fianna Fáil press office since the election!

Apparently, it went on in that vein for two hours before the top table decided that they had indulged the troops long enough, and had better things to do with their time than listen to the carping of the representatives of the grassroots.

They were then sent to go throughout the land to convert the unbelievers to the gospel of Nice, knowing that the majority of people, having rejected it already, resented being told they would have to go through it all again because Bertie wanted them to get it right.

The resentment at being told they can't think for themselves, combined with the shell-shock from cutbacks, should guarantee the FF canvassers a very warm reception on the doorsteps.

Possibly, the only place where they will be entertained is in the farmyard because they will be armed with the carrot of grants. Not that too many farmers grow carrots these days, but a grant is something they can smell on the other side of a mountain.

And Fianna Fáil is going to assault their sense of smell in the hope that Nice will come up smelling like roses, at least in the rural polling stations.

A nice round sum of 500 million will be dangled in front of the farmers in advance of the referendum to encourage them to go out and vote, something which they didn't do in great numbers the last time.

Now, the money is actually due to them well, most of it is. The knack that the Government is up to is to get them 80%, instead of 60%, by October 16, and to bring forward another payment to that same date, although it's not due until November.

During the sojourn in Killarney, the backbenchers were supplied with a briefing document on the massive payouts county by county. Suckler cows and arable area aid might not mean too much to the rest of us, but to the country's 150,000 farmers, they are priceless.

An application has been made by the Minister for Agriculture, Joe Walsh, to the EU Agriculture Commissioner, Franz Fischler, to set the wheels in motion and a sympathetic hearing is anticipated.

Apparently, Mr Walsh is very concerned that the lads should get special consideration for the awful summer we have had, and it would be nice if Brussels could do the needful by advancing the cheques.

Naturally, the Department of Agriculture denied this concern had anything at all to do with the Nice referendum, and the increased payments were sought as a result of pressure on the farmers because of the adverse weather .... blah, blah, blah.

At the time of writing this column, the date for polling in the Nice referendum had not been announced, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if it was within whispering distance of October 16.

Yesterday, the Cabinet held its meeting in Donegal in order, as they say, to bring the Government to the people now and again.

Not a bad bit of condescending PR usually, but it might not have been a great idea in the current climate.

I mean, when the Government is telling people that the country is practically broke and that there must be cuts in education and health, and God knows what else before they're finished, it would not appear to be a good idea to see themselves rolling into town in a cavalcade of expensive Mercedes. John Bruton, the former Fine Gael leader, had a different slant on the trip to Donegal.

On RTE's Morning Ireland yesterday he berated the Government for holding back on a date for the Nice referendum and doing nothing about getting out and promoting a Yes vote.

Then he went on to accuse them of going into hiding in Donegal because they wanted to avoid meeting Franz Fischler, the same man who will be looking after the grants for the farmers.

You would imagine it would have been a great opportunity to discuss that issue, but the Government were nervous that he might want to discuss the awkward question of CAP, and the farmers aren't too happy with the plans he has for that.